Insecurity, what a powerful thing. It changes one's character, judgments. It turns a nice person into a monstrous one. Why does one feel insecure? Many started developing their insecurities from their childhood. Children yearn for parents' approval, if they did not receive enough from their parents, the insecurity would start to form at an early age.
Most common form to express one's insecurity is to be aggressive. If one feels secure enough on what he or she represents as a person, then there will be no need to attack others to get anything or for any reason. People with insecurity also cannot take any criticism. People who are secure take criticism as a step toward bettering themselves, while insecure people take criticism as a threat from the others. Nothing from the others can possibly be constructive for insecure people. People who are insecure also tend to feel the need to validate themselves in front of the others. If they agree with the others, they have to voice the idea again themselves, so others Know that it is their idea also. If they disagree, they also have to voice themselves so they feel they are heard. Secure people don't have the need to voice themselves all the time.
Insecure people also tend to be indecisive. They might appear to be multi-talented, yet, they cannot decide on one rout to concentrate on, due to the fear of "what if". "What if this is not my favorite?" "What if I cannot do this as well as the others who are brilliant?" "What if I spend all my time with this, and loose touch with my other talents?" "What if I am not good enough at this to pursue it as a career?" What if what if what if.... The fear of taking consequences of their own choices... A life like that is tough and sad...
I definitely have my own set of issues with insecurity, but I now can recognize it in any forms of expression, and most of the time able to stop it in time before any further damage is done to my life. I will keep working at it until the day I die.
Friday, December 16, 2005
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Washington Ballet Nutcracker
This is the first time I have chance to play the Celeste part in the ballet. I had a wonderful time. Celeste is a hard instrument to play. The unevenness of the sound created a great challenge for me to deliver the sugarplum dance. However, I love the piece, love the various colors created by all the other instruments in the orchestra. Playing in the middle of an orchestra is definitely different from playing in front of the orchestra. I loved every minute of it. People are extremely nice also. Helpful, sweet, nice human beings. I am really grateful for the opportunity to be part of this. Thank you. Unfortunately, the Ballet Company is in trouble.
Here are my husband's words about this crisis:
I hope the management of the company really thinks and remembers why they were in the business in the first place. They are there to manage the product created by the artists, they are not there to manage the artists! I find the idea of some type of corporate hierarchical relationships extremely unhealthy in this case. In the corporate world that structure can work because both managers and their employees work on producing the same product. In the arts, there are artists who create the product, there are people who manage this product & relationship between the buyers of this product and artists. The only way you can have a well functioning system is when artists & manager work in partnership. That means that both sides have distinctly different set of skills and responsibilities. It also means that both sides should try to compliment each other instead of confront and abandon the idea of one party ruling over the other. Ignorant leadership is dangerous and that is exactly what would happen if one side would be in complete charge. If you make artists in charge of management, it would lead to a very substantial problems because very few artists have an expertise necessary in marketing, business development,...etc. However, if you have management which treats artists as a corporation employees or office workers, you run into problems of equal magnitude. Managing artistic resources is a very difficult task because the best possible product qualitatively is not always deliver by the biggest effort quantitively. For example, if you are a musician or a dancer, by spending 60 hours on a project in one week, you will not necessary produce better result than by spending 20 hours. The creative process demands artists to be in their best possible shape or form. That involves a very delicate balance between practicing enough, and resting enough, both physically and mentally.
So, these are my husband's thoughts. I agree 100%!
Here are my husband's words about this crisis:
I hope the management of the company really thinks and remembers why they were in the business in the first place. They are there to manage the product created by the artists, they are not there to manage the artists! I find the idea of some type of corporate hierarchical relationships extremely unhealthy in this case. In the corporate world that structure can work because both managers and their employees work on producing the same product. In the arts, there are artists who create the product, there are people who manage this product & relationship between the buyers of this product and artists. The only way you can have a well functioning system is when artists & manager work in partnership. That means that both sides have distinctly different set of skills and responsibilities. It also means that both sides should try to compliment each other instead of confront and abandon the idea of one party ruling over the other. Ignorant leadership is dangerous and that is exactly what would happen if one side would be in complete charge. If you make artists in charge of management, it would lead to a very substantial problems because very few artists have an expertise necessary in marketing, business development,...etc. However, if you have management which treats artists as a corporation employees or office workers, you run into problems of equal magnitude. Managing artistic resources is a very difficult task because the best possible product qualitatively is not always deliver by the biggest effort quantitively. For example, if you are a musician or a dancer, by spending 60 hours on a project in one week, you will not necessary produce better result than by spending 20 hours. The creative process demands artists to be in their best possible shape or form. That involves a very delicate balance between practicing enough, and resting enough, both physically and mentally.
So, these are my husband's thoughts. I agree 100%!
Management
This whole stupid WB thing really makes me mad! Do they actually want to help the artists/dancers or they are only B. S.-ing to see whether they can fool the musicians or not. So, we must look so stupid to them that they think we would actually buy their story. Did he (artistic director) even want to be there? I am so MAD!!! These abusive situations make me want to cry. Management really needs to go in the Art Business. Art business should be directed by collective efforts of artists and have middle (negotiator) men, and people run operations. Managements are blood sucking monsters!!!!!.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
New Age/New Usage of Language from Taiwanese Middle School Kids
A friend forwarded this in an email. HA HA HA!
國中生的火星文
看一下現在的國中生的用語,真是特別............
很好笑喔
原來"史努比"也可以醬用啊
本文
明天要開56班親會，想必會來一堆歐氏宗親會的人。」「morning call的成績出來
了，爐主、顧爐、扛爐的還是那幾個宮本美代子的同學，要是我考這種成績，我媽一定AKS，罵我乾脆史努比算了。」
翻譯
明天要開無聊的班親會，想必會來一堆歐吉桑和歐巴桑。」「模擬考的成績出來了，倒數一二三名還是那幾個根本沒事做（台語：根本沒代誌）的同學，要是我考這種成績，我媽一定會氣死（台語），罵我乾脆死路邊(台語諧音)算了。」
國中生的火星文
看一下現在的國中生的用語,真是特別............
很好笑喔
原來"史努比"也可以醬用啊
本文
明天要開56班親會，想必會來一堆歐氏宗親會的人。」「morning call的成績出來
了，爐主、顧爐、扛爐的還是那幾個宮本美代子的同學，要是我考這種成績，我媽一定AKS，罵我乾脆史努比算了。」
翻譯
明天要開無聊的班親會，想必會來一堆歐吉桑和歐巴桑。」「模擬考的成績出來了，倒數一二三名還是那幾個根本沒事做（台語：根本沒代誌）的同學，要是我考這種成績，我媽一定會氣死（台語），罵我乾脆死路邊(台語諧音)算了。」
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Sacrifice
Sacrificing yourself to accommodate others is not necessary a good thing for oneself or for the others. I believe that sacrificing yourself for the other one is the death sentence for the relationship between two people. In most cases, between husband and wife, the wife somehow justifies the act of pleasing the husband by sacrificing her own personality, her own likes, her own dreams and many others. Many tend to spend most of the time and energy on taking care of husband's needs, children's needs, and being really not generous to herself. The end result of that usually is that husband keep on pursuing his dream, his interests, and two who started from the same place slowly walk different paths. The marriage can turn dull, cold, and unfulfilled for both parties. The husband might think that his wife's body and soul has disintegrated, and the wife might think the husband is being selfish. While from the beginning, making sacrifices was already the mistake. That is only a easy way out of the challenges. The fear to face the unknown, the not wanting to take responsibility for your own action. Sacrificing seem to be a noble and caring action, in reality, you are just letting the other party decide what you should be doing, so later on, if things don't go well, you don't have to take the consequences. One should be nice to oneself, and also be responsible for his or her own decision and choices. Be fearless!
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Random thoughts of the day
My eyes are quitting on me. Lately, I have really hard time to see well with them. My contact lens don't seem to want to stay at the same place when I am tired. Eyes get really red and irritated with the contact lens that they tear constantly. I hope they get better by the time I need to drive home.
Students are improving at an unbelievable rate. They might not be ready to deliver great performances next Monday in their juries, but they are definitely playing at a different level from before. Who knows, they might surprise me next week. They are now all exploring different styles, different colors, different sounds, different characters, and different ideas. I hope that with one more semester of work, they will merge all these different things together and be able to deliver music with more ease and start to form their own ideas & imaginations. Currently, things might be either overly done, but hey, it is better to have something to work with than grow from nothing.
I hope we can catch the piano tuner today. I am really irritated by the fact that one of my students dropped the pencil inside of the piano from behind the piano cover. It is totally necessary to have someone to take it out before Friday's Schumann rehearsal. I don't want to hear the rattling and have to deal with slow action keys.
Peter is still teaching. I don't know how he can do so much teaching. I have about half of his load, and I am already dead tired... Well, that is not true. I do practice a lot during the break. Well, I definitely need to find a way to maintain my energy so I can keep playing and not damaging my hands, my brain, and my body...
Some of Schumann's music really can drive one into madness. There are dramatic passages with driven melody lines and fast running notes passages where the harmony changes are so intense and maddening that after my practicing, I ended with this hysterical almost uncontrollable mood. There are times I am almost scared to start practicing them. Am I crazy?
I started to work on the Ravel's Gaspard de la nuit again. I am re-learning it.. I can't believe that I learned it in 3 months while I was in school, and performed it. What was I thinking?? There are so much in the writing. The dark, magical creatures/characters of the first and last movements, the cold and daunting slow movements, I just love it. Unfortunately, I don't have too much time to spend on this work. Most of my time and energy has to be put into the chamber repertoire. However, I can't complain though. Schumann trios, quartet, & quintet are great also. I find myself lucky to be able to play these great works.
My sister had an interview yesterday. I hope it went well. I hope that she will find a job around where we live, so we will be close in location.
Ok, can I wait for an hour and half more before I died from boredom? My eyes are so tired that I can't practice anymore, I can't read either... I really want to go home now... Maybe Peter's last student will cancel his/her lesson?
Students are improving at an unbelievable rate. They might not be ready to deliver great performances next Monday in their juries, but they are definitely playing at a different level from before. Who knows, they might surprise me next week. They are now all exploring different styles, different colors, different sounds, different characters, and different ideas. I hope that with one more semester of work, they will merge all these different things together and be able to deliver music with more ease and start to form their own ideas & imaginations. Currently, things might be either overly done, but hey, it is better to have something to work with than grow from nothing.
I hope we can catch the piano tuner today. I am really irritated by the fact that one of my students dropped the pencil inside of the piano from behind the piano cover. It is totally necessary to have someone to take it out before Friday's Schumann rehearsal. I don't want to hear the rattling and have to deal with slow action keys.
Peter is still teaching. I don't know how he can do so much teaching. I have about half of his load, and I am already dead tired... Well, that is not true. I do practice a lot during the break. Well, I definitely need to find a way to maintain my energy so I can keep playing and not damaging my hands, my brain, and my body...
Some of Schumann's music really can drive one into madness. There are dramatic passages with driven melody lines and fast running notes passages where the harmony changes are so intense and maddening that after my practicing, I ended with this hysterical almost uncontrollable mood. There are times I am almost scared to start practicing them. Am I crazy?
I started to work on the Ravel's Gaspard de la nuit again. I am re-learning it.. I can't believe that I learned it in 3 months while I was in school, and performed it. What was I thinking?? There are so much in the writing. The dark, magical creatures/characters of the first and last movements, the cold and daunting slow movements, I just love it. Unfortunately, I don't have too much time to spend on this work. Most of my time and energy has to be put into the chamber repertoire. However, I can't complain though. Schumann trios, quartet, & quintet are great also. I find myself lucky to be able to play these great works.
My sister had an interview yesterday. I hope it went well. I hope that she will find a job around where we live, so we will be close in location.
Ok, can I wait for an hour and half more before I died from boredom? My eyes are so tired that I can't practice anymore, I can't read either... I really want to go home now... Maybe Peter's last student will cancel his/her lesson?
Monday, November 28, 2005
Thanksgiving
This year, we had a great Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday. We had good companies, my siblings, Hao Chin, Ya-Chen, and Sean (her boyfriend) and my aunt, Ming, all joined us for the big feast. The turkey and various other dishes turned out great, the wine Peter purchased was good even though he did not think so, chocolate Souffle turned out better than last year.
On Friday, Peter was occupied with teaching most of the day. Our dear friend, Michael, did come by to spend the evening with us. On Saturday, we had a great day. After Peter taught his student, we went out to do our first run of Christmas shopping. We both hate shopping, we did manage to purchase very needed 4 turtlenecks for Peter in various colors. After about an hour or so of shopping, we got really tired, and were about to head home. As we were walking toward the mall exit, we passed the Apple Store in the mall where it was busy, but not as busy as some other stores. We came out of that store with $2400-$2500 worth of a Powerbook G4, an IPod, a printer, and office 2004 for mac. As we were leaving the store, we were so excited with our purchase that we did not even mind how crowded the store had become since we entered the store. We hurried home, and of course started right away to set up/initializing the new toy. It turn out to be a great buy. ^_^ We have not yet played around with IPod much, but we will. To finish the day off, we went to a great Italian restaurant with Sean & Ya-Chen.
Sunday, we went out to do more Christmas shopping and spent time doing absolutely meaningless things with my husband... Life is wonderful!
On Friday, Peter was occupied with teaching most of the day. Our dear friend, Michael, did come by to spend the evening with us. On Saturday, we had a great day. After Peter taught his student, we went out to do our first run of Christmas shopping. We both hate shopping, we did manage to purchase very needed 4 turtlenecks for Peter in various colors. After about an hour or so of shopping, we got really tired, and were about to head home. As we were walking toward the mall exit, we passed the Apple Store in the mall where it was busy, but not as busy as some other stores. We came out of that store with $2400-$2500 worth of a Powerbook G4, an IPod, a printer, and office 2004 for mac. As we were leaving the store, we were so excited with our purchase that we did not even mind how crowded the store had become since we entered the store. We hurried home, and of course started right away to set up/initializing the new toy. It turn out to be a great buy. ^_^ We have not yet played around with IPod much, but we will. To finish the day off, we went to a great Italian restaurant with Sean & Ya-Chen.
Sunday, we went out to do more Christmas shopping and spent time doing absolutely meaningless things with my husband... Life is wonderful!
Monday, November 21, 2005
Another trip
I left my dog & cat again this Saturday under my brother's care this Saturday. I hate it when they give me the looks, which say "You are abandoning us again" Anyway, left around 1 pm to pickup our cellist. Left her place around 2pm heading toward CT. What was supposed to be a 5 hours drive from her place turned up to be a 6 hours one because of the mysterious construction. I never understand why constructions on highway are year round projects, and I never seen anything being done whenever I pass them. Anyway, the hotel we stayed in was call Dolce Inn. The room appeared to be really nice, however, the bed is so uncomfortable that I really did not get the rest I needed to recover from a long drive and gain enough to perform a big concert. We managed. The concert was luckily at 3pm on Sunday, so at least we did not have spend the whole day wondering around after checking out of the hotel at 12pm. That is another thing I never would understand, if the hotel check out time is prior to 12pm, then, what are traveler supposed to do if they need to be in town working for the rest of the day? Most of people don't go to a place to just stay for the night, they are there for a purpose which would probably take the whole next day. It really does not make sense for one has to check out by noon, and carry everything around with them, and try to get to another hotel for the night's sleep, and do the same thing all over again.
Anyway, the concert went pretty well. The audience loved the program, which we were happy with. This is a very well educated audience. It always really nice to play for an audience which really enjoy, and understand what we really are trying to express through music. Not the usual ... oh you fingers move so fast, that was a great Tune, I like the way you look on stage, I don't like the way you look on stage, you should try to match your dresses, love your program why didn't you play Mendelssohn Piano Trio since you call yourself Mendelssohn Piano Trio, or what instruments were you playing on? love the sound as if the instruments could speak by themselves. Anyway, one audience member used to play viola, Betty Williams was her name. She told me lots of interesting stories of the great artists whom she encountered or work with during her younger time. So many real personalities came a live by her narrative for me. I was so happy, I felt like I am a little girl again listening to stories I love from a great grandma.
The drive from CT to Grantham PA was long and tiring especially after that big program. Luckily we found OutBack Steak House to recuperate some of our energy to go on with the rest of our long journey. We arrived Grantham at about 1 am.
The idea of teaching 2 full days at school immediately after the trip was painful and almost unrealistic. Both Peter & me had been constantly encouraging each other to go on as the day went by. I wondered if this is about 3 years ago, would I feel as tired and burnt out as I do now? Just another hour, we can rest in the hotel... Tomorrow, yet another day of teaching...
I am so looking forward to open the door of my home tomorrow night, and greet my dear Totoro & Tiger as they awaiting at the door... One more day, I will be home!
Anyway, the concert went pretty well. The audience loved the program, which we were happy with. This is a very well educated audience. It always really nice to play for an audience which really enjoy, and understand what we really are trying to express through music. Not the usual ... oh you fingers move so fast, that was a great Tune, I like the way you look on stage, I don't like the way you look on stage, you should try to match your dresses, love your program why didn't you play Mendelssohn Piano Trio since you call yourself Mendelssohn Piano Trio, or what instruments were you playing on? love the sound as if the instruments could speak by themselves. Anyway, one audience member used to play viola, Betty Williams was her name. She told me lots of interesting stories of the great artists whom she encountered or work with during her younger time. So many real personalities came a live by her narrative for me. I was so happy, I felt like I am a little girl again listening to stories I love from a great grandma.
The drive from CT to Grantham PA was long and tiring especially after that big program. Luckily we found OutBack Steak House to recuperate some of our energy to go on with the rest of our long journey. We arrived Grantham at about 1 am.
The idea of teaching 2 full days at school immediately after the trip was painful and almost unrealistic. Both Peter & me had been constantly encouraging each other to go on as the day went by. I wondered if this is about 3 years ago, would I feel as tired and burnt out as I do now? Just another hour, we can rest in the hotel... Tomorrow, yet another day of teaching...
I am so looking forward to open the door of my home tomorrow night, and greet my dear Totoro & Tiger as they awaiting at the door... One more day, I will be home!
Monday, November 14, 2005
Teaching Music
They are good kids. Yes, they might be lazy sometimes, but truly, they all want to do well. Each one has his/her individual character that is so vivid which is hard to overlook. My challenge is really how to not force my own character onto them while still teach them styles, sounds, colors ... Etc. Everything about music is so personal if one loves music. I can only hope that I have not stepped on or created any block on their imaginations for any of them yet.
Chamber music is not an easy thing to teach. Each students come from different background and training. How to get them to come up with an unifying idea is really challenging. It is hard when a member is more advanced than the others. How do you teach them to control the urge of taking over the rehearsal situation and be patient with the others? Also, it is hard to know whether I am introducing an idea that is totally outside of the frame work setup by their teachers.
One of my students has decided to pursue another major. I am happy that he finally decided to pursue what he loves the most. However, I am also glad that he is not going to quit playing piano because he loves playing and he is starting to feel good about how he plays. It is always hard to see one struggle with finding the right path for his/her life.
Chamber music is not an easy thing to teach. Each students come from different background and training. How to get them to come up with an unifying idea is really challenging. It is hard when a member is more advanced than the others. How do you teach them to control the urge of taking over the rehearsal situation and be patient with the others? Also, it is hard to know whether I am introducing an idea that is totally outside of the frame work setup by their teachers.
One of my students has decided to pursue another major. I am happy that he finally decided to pursue what he loves the most. However, I am also glad that he is not going to quit playing piano because he loves playing and he is starting to feel good about how he plays. It is always hard to see one struggle with finding the right path for his/her life.
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Oxygen
My asthma has been acting up lately. It makes me feel low on energy most of the time. Sometimes I get headache just from not having enough oxygen. My muscles get so tense from coughing. It was really tough especially today during the concert at the Seventh Day Adventist Church in Spencerville, MD. Today's program had Tchaikovsky Piano Trio & Richard Strauss Piano Quartet. I love both pieces, but was very disappointed with myself for not being able to have enough energy to do what I really wanted with them. I hate the feeling of barely getting through them instead of taking charge of colors, pacing, music that I want to create ... Oh well. Luckily I had great people to play with. Having Michael Stepniak as the addition to the trio was wonderful. He not only brings in support of sound, but also depth of his feeling of music. There is one more concert with the same program tomorrow at Towson's Central Presbyterian Church. I hope I will be in a much better shape, although, I doubt. Well, at least I love the program!
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Peter's birthday
Finally, convinced Peter to have one and half free day. I mean totally free. Starting from Saturday afternoon. We did absolutely nothing. Ok, prior to doing nothingness, we did take our dog, totoro, to the vet for long overdue shots and check ups. She is in good condition, only with two slight problems. Her back leg's joint seems a bit loose. Also, she is almost 6 lb. overweight.... Well, she is supposed to be around 15-16lb., and she is now 21.5lb.
Anyway, after doing nothing for the whole afternoon, we went to the fabulous Tersiguel's French Country Restaurant in Elicott City for Peter's birthday. It is Peter's favorite restaurant. Well, we had the Chef's special menu, an 8 courses meal including different wines to pair with each dishes. It was heavenly... I ate everything! Peter was so happy he looked like a baby with absolute happiness.
Sunday, the birthday boy woke up, kept his promise to do absolutely nothing work related. He has regained his energy back in less than 2 days. I am so happy. I hope he will stay as happy as today for ever! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR!
Anyway, after doing nothing for the whole afternoon, we went to the fabulous Tersiguel's French Country Restaurant in Elicott City for Peter's birthday. It is Peter's favorite restaurant. Well, we had the Chef's special menu, an 8 courses meal including different wines to pair with each dishes. It was heavenly... I ate everything! Peter was so happy he looked like a baby with absolute happiness.
Sunday, the birthday boy woke up, kept his promise to do absolutely nothing work related. He has regained his energy back in less than 2 days. I am so happy. I hope he will stay as happy as today for ever! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR!
Friday, October 28, 2005
Questions for the trio
Here are some questions that we often get from people prior and after the concerts:
Why is your trio name Mendelssohn Piano Trio?
Oh, I thought piano trio means three pianists playing on three pianos, why does your group has a violinist and a cellist instead?
Why is there no Mendelssohn Piano Trio on your program when you are Mendelssohn Piano Trio?
Are you (me) and the violinist (Peter Sirotin, my husband) brother and sister? (HOW? I AM ASIAN, HE IS RUSSIAN!)
Are you guys married? (a question toward Fiona, cellist & Peter)
Do you have this program on CD for sales?
Why don't you smile when you perform? (Often after a very sad/dramatic piece!)
Why do you look so serious on stage? Lighten up!
Why is your trio name Mendelssohn Piano Trio?
Oh, I thought piano trio means three pianists playing on three pianos, why does your group has a violinist and a cellist instead?
Why is there no Mendelssohn Piano Trio on your program when you are Mendelssohn Piano Trio?
Are you (me) and the violinist (Peter Sirotin, my husband) brother and sister? (HOW? I AM ASIAN, HE IS RUSSIAN!)
Are you guys married? (a question toward Fiona, cellist & Peter)
Do you have this program on CD for sales?
Why don't you smile when you perform? (Often after a very sad/dramatic piece!)
Why do you look so serious on stage? Lighten up!
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Taiwan Tour
The tour to Taiwan with the trio has ended successfully. Thanks to my mother's managerial abilities we were able to fly business class round-trip (including a seat for the cello). That really made a huge difference. The press conference was not as horrifying as the first time we did it about 3 years ago. Although I don't think I will ever get used to having people taking pictures or filming about 5 inches from me while I am playing. The questions from the journalists were not unusual. I only wish that I could have better Chinese (mandarin) for good answers. My language skills are really my weakness, not only with English, but also with Chinese. I am at the point that neither one of them feel comfortable for me to express what I want to. Oh well....
We stayed most of time at the Landis Hotel in Taipei. http://taipei.landis.ahahotels.com/ One of the best services we have ever received, great restaurant, beautiful and comfortable rooms... The stay in this hotel made this tour ever more wonderful.
Our first concert was held in Hsin Chu National Chiao Tung University, Taiwan. The hall was accoustically not great, yet, the people who run the concert series were very nice and professional. The 9-foot piano was really too big for the hall, (especially with its bright tone). The audience was wonderful there. We later found out that the AC went out during the performance, and with the temperature of 30 C, no one left the hall. We were very touched!
2nd Concert was held in Taichung Hsin Ming High School Auditorium. It is a nice size hall, great for Chamber music. I actually managed to be daring with music making on stage (which I always try, but not always succeed at).
Our last concert was held in National Concert Hall in Taipei. The concert was a benefit for the Formosa Cancer Society. A society devoted to finding cures, and educating the public on everything related to cancer (preventions, treatments, medicine...). We had a great turn out, and hopefully they raise enough money to get this new education fund going.
We prepared one program for all these 3 concerts. Starting with Tom Benjamin's Aperitif, then the powerful Brahms c minor Piano trio, and ending the first half of the program with a set of 4 Taiwanese folk songs. Two of them are arranged specially for us by Tien Hao Jan, a Taiwanese composer. We ended the program with the gigantic Tchaikovsky Piano Trio, and Haydn Gypsy Trio last movement for encore. I don't think the Taiwanese audience understood the musical language of the Benjamin Aperitif, which was very surprising for us. The Aperitif is as the title suggested, light, funny, jazz-like (although there are some Prokofiev influences in harmonic language also) little opener. Most of the musicians I talked to like the piece very much, unfortunately the general public did not receive it as well as we would like.
The drama of both the Brahms and Tchaikovsky Trios communicated very well to the audiences. Although, we felt exhausted at the end of the concert, because both pieces require such physical demands and emotional journeys that we had really hard time playing the encore. (Most of the time, I really wish we did not have to do it). The Taiwanese songs were of course everyone's favorite. Many told me that they really want to sing along with us, which I am really glad that they didn't. ^_^
We managed to go to several different temples in Taipei. We visited the Confucius temple, Bao-an temple, Lung Shan temple, and Guan Di Temple. Each temple is very different. The most opulent one was the Bao-An temple. My favorite was the Confucius Temple. It was the most peaceful, graceful, and elegant one.
We also visited the Shi-Lin Night Market. It was disappointing. The market does not have as many varieties of street food as I remember, also, the shops are now either selling cheap souvenirs for tourists or foreign things. We also visited the Yang-Min Mountain, although we went there on the day of Typhoon. Because of the Typhoon, we actually managed to visited many scenic spots on the Yan-Min Mountain, because there was no traffic what so ever. The hot spring areas did trigger my asthma though.
Of course we also visited world's tallest building, "101". The elevator went from 5th floor to the 98th floor in less than 40 seconds, yet we did not feel anything. We were glad that on the way down, the elevator did go much slower though. I am not sure that physically I like to feel the quick drop from that altitude. We went on a clear day, we could see the whole Taipei. The scenery was beautiful.
My parents were great. There is just no word to describe how thankful I am to them. I guess the worst thing we had to deal with from this trip was the Jet-lag. Maybe that I am getting too old for this, but it took me more than a week to get adjusted to the time change when we flew back to U.S. The whole week was painful for me because we had to get right back to work. We flew back on Friday the 7th, and we had to perform in PA on the 9th. Then we went straight into teaching ... I think the worst torture one can receive is to not be able to sleep when one wants to everyday...
We stayed most of time at the Landis Hotel in Taipei. http://taipei.landis.ahahotels.com/ One of the best services we have ever received, great restaurant, beautiful and comfortable rooms... The stay in this hotel made this tour ever more wonderful.
Our first concert was held in Hsin Chu National Chiao Tung University, Taiwan. The hall was accoustically not great, yet, the people who run the concert series were very nice and professional. The 9-foot piano was really too big for the hall, (especially with its bright tone). The audience was wonderful there. We later found out that the AC went out during the performance, and with the temperature of 30 C, no one left the hall. We were very touched!
2nd Concert was held in Taichung Hsin Ming High School Auditorium. It is a nice size hall, great for Chamber music. I actually managed to be daring with music making on stage (which I always try, but not always succeed at).
Our last concert was held in National Concert Hall in Taipei. The concert was a benefit for the Formosa Cancer Society. A society devoted to finding cures, and educating the public on everything related to cancer (preventions, treatments, medicine...). We had a great turn out, and hopefully they raise enough money to get this new education fund going.
We prepared one program for all these 3 concerts. Starting with Tom Benjamin's Aperitif, then the powerful Brahms c minor Piano trio, and ending the first half of the program with a set of 4 Taiwanese folk songs. Two of them are arranged specially for us by Tien Hao Jan, a Taiwanese composer. We ended the program with the gigantic Tchaikovsky Piano Trio, and Haydn Gypsy Trio last movement for encore. I don't think the Taiwanese audience understood the musical language of the Benjamin Aperitif, which was very surprising for us. The Aperitif is as the title suggested, light, funny, jazz-like (although there are some Prokofiev influences in harmonic language also) little opener. Most of the musicians I talked to like the piece very much, unfortunately the general public did not receive it as well as we would like.
The drama of both the Brahms and Tchaikovsky Trios communicated very well to the audiences. Although, we felt exhausted at the end of the concert, because both pieces require such physical demands and emotional journeys that we had really hard time playing the encore. (Most of the time, I really wish we did not have to do it). The Taiwanese songs were of course everyone's favorite. Many told me that they really want to sing along with us, which I am really glad that they didn't. ^_^
We managed to go to several different temples in Taipei. We visited the Confucius temple, Bao-an temple, Lung Shan temple, and Guan Di Temple. Each temple is very different. The most opulent one was the Bao-An temple. My favorite was the Confucius Temple. It was the most peaceful, graceful, and elegant one.
We also visited the Shi-Lin Night Market. It was disappointing. The market does not have as many varieties of street food as I remember, also, the shops are now either selling cheap souvenirs for tourists or foreign things. We also visited the Yang-Min Mountain, although we went there on the day of Typhoon. Because of the Typhoon, we actually managed to visited many scenic spots on the Yan-Min Mountain, because there was no traffic what so ever. The hot spring areas did trigger my asthma though.
Of course we also visited world's tallest building, "101". The elevator went from 5th floor to the 98th floor in less than 40 seconds, yet we did not feel anything. We were glad that on the way down, the elevator did go much slower though. I am not sure that physically I like to feel the quick drop from that altitude. We went on a clear day, we could see the whole Taipei. The scenery was beautiful.
My parents were great. There is just no word to describe how thankful I am to them. I guess the worst thing we had to deal with from this trip was the Jet-lag. Maybe that I am getting too old for this, but it took me more than a week to get adjusted to the time change when we flew back to U.S. The whole week was painful for me because we had to get right back to work. We flew back on Friday the 7th, and we had to perform in PA on the 9th. Then we went straight into teaching ... I think the worst torture one can receive is to not be able to sleep when one wants to everyday...
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Lewenthals's own (circa 1955) liner notes:
Lewenthals's own (circa 1955) liner notes:
" Scriabin's 24 Preludes,Op.11, were, no doubt,inspired by Chopin's, but they have their own charm and poetry.Salon music some of them, but would that we heard such music in salons these days! "
"Some are slightly naughty;there is a certain indolent grace;the delightful occupation of doing nothing.Some, looking innocuous enough on paper, are very demons when aroused...gentlemanly demons,but none the less demons.Some have the true bardic ring and some are a little sentimental.Such are the enchanting sounds we should like to hear when,walking in a strange street on a summer evening, we suddenly hear the elegant,cool tones of a distant piano..."
"The Fantasie is true concert-grand piano music of immense grandeur and sweep...in art a superabundance of enthusiasm is certainly preferable to a lack of it,for time can mellow and temper a surfeit,but it cannot put enthusiasm where it never existed before..."
"Demonism had for Scriabin as great an appeal as it had for Liszt...Vers la Flamme is one of those keyboard works which demonstrate the piano's immense powers of evoking the entire orchestra.Transfer it to the orchestra and it would lose its tremendous impact..."
" In his later works Scriabin was fond of strewing extravagant interpretative indications thru the printed score.Fanatstic as they often seem at first, they are an aid to the player in evoking the mood the composer wants. "Douloureux dechirant " he writes for the first of the Op.74 Preludes,and the piece seems to be the sad shreds of humanity torn asundert by the catastrophe (WW I ). No.2, "Tres Lent contemplatif" the numbness of one deep in thought.In the midst of No.3 he writes "comme un cri"--like a shriek of remembrance.No.4, "Lent,vague,indecis"--slow,vague,undecided.No.5, "Fier,belliquez"--proud,warlike. A phoenix rising from the ashes."
" Scriabin's 24 Preludes,Op.11, were, no doubt,inspired by Chopin's, but they have their own charm and poetry.Salon music some of them, but would that we heard such music in salons these days! "
"Some are slightly naughty;there is a certain indolent grace;the delightful occupation of doing nothing.Some, looking innocuous enough on paper, are very demons when aroused...gentlemanly demons,but none the less demons.Some have the true bardic ring and some are a little sentimental.Such are the enchanting sounds we should like to hear when,walking in a strange street on a summer evening, we suddenly hear the elegant,cool tones of a distant piano..."
"The Fantasie is true concert-grand piano music of immense grandeur and sweep...in art a superabundance of enthusiasm is certainly preferable to a lack of it,for time can mellow and temper a surfeit,but it cannot put enthusiasm where it never existed before..."
"Demonism had for Scriabin as great an appeal as it had for Liszt...Vers la Flamme is one of those keyboard works which demonstrate the piano's immense powers of evoking the entire orchestra.Transfer it to the orchestra and it would lose its tremendous impact..."
" In his later works Scriabin was fond of strewing extravagant interpretative indications thru the printed score.Fanatstic as they often seem at first, they are an aid to the player in evoking the mood the composer wants. "Douloureux dechirant " he writes for the first of the Op.74 Preludes,and the piece seems to be the sad shreds of humanity torn asundert by the catastrophe (WW I ). No.2, "Tres Lent contemplatif" the numbness of one deep in thought.In the midst of No.3 he writes "comme un cri"--like a shriek of remembrance.No.4, "Lent,vague,indecis"--slow,vague,undecided.No.5, "Fier,belliquez"--proud,warlike. A phoenix rising from the ashes."
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
A purist sounds off - by Vivien Schweitzer
A purist sounds off
By Vivien Schweitzer
Financial Times
September 6 2005
No one who meets Louis Lortie can be in any doubt that he prefers to go his own route. Venting his frustration with record companies and concert programmers, the 46-year-old French-Canadian pianist says artists should think for themselves, "but most organisations don't allow that. Soloists end up collaborating with conductors they don't know. There is no musical logic when two artist agencies decide their musicians should work together just because they can make more money."Lortie is not alone in feeling constrained by the rigidity of the music industry, but such outspokenness is rare - and may explain why less gifted pianists have had faster careers. The child of unmusical parents, he grew up in suburban Montreal, where his musical curiosity was piqued at the age of seven after hearing his grandmother play. For Lortie, the advantage of this unremarkable, un-Bohemian childhood was that "I came from scratch and had to form my own musical ideas". As he explains in his New York hotel on the eve of a recent Mozart concerto performance at Lincoln Center, these ideas often clash with the robotic schedules and artistic restrictions imposed by a fast-paced, marketing-driven world."Mozart concertos," he continues in his lightly accented English, "were never written to be played with a conductor; it's almost an absurdity. At least if they put people together they should put people together who they know will fit together, otherwise the stakes are very high. You just don't play magical Mozart if you don't rehearse enough. It's not like a big Tchaikovsky or Shostakovich that every orchestra member has played and the conductor can just pull along. All music needs time, but particularly Mozart. A missed note is more of a catastrophe than with other composers."While it seems fair to describe Lortie as a perfectionist, he prefers the (sometimes imperfect) spontaneity of live recordings, which "give a more exact image of who I am as a musician".Lortie has made more than 30 recordings on the Chandos label, but fell out with them over differences in recording techniques. He will soon be working with a new label, which he avoids identifying, except to venture that it's one where he will enjoy "total freedom".His first release on the new label is to be the complete Beethoven sonatas, which he believes will be the first live cycle ever recorded. Lortie finds the constraints of studio recording "very frustrating". Most labels have their own sound, he explains, and want their artists to record in certain halls with certain microphones. "Even as a youngster I could listen to recordings and recognise the Decca sound, then figure out who was playing by remembering who was on that label. And that's terrible! It's more interesting for the audience to hear you with the acoustics of a small wooden hall than a huge hall. It's like they're travelling with you."Having no control over which piano he performs on is another irritant. "Thank God there are still several recording companies on the market, but you still have one piano brand [Steinway] that is in 99 per cent of concert halls. Imagine if you had only one brand of car to ride in! It's a communist idea and it doesn't work in a free society. I always ask what pianos are available, but [staff] don't like to bother as it's too much trouble with unions to move pianos around. I have discovered sometimes after the concert that there were other pianos in the hall. I think this is really repulsive; it's treating us like machines and I have no mercy for this kind of attitude."One composer Lortie shies away from is Bach. "I love his music," he says, "but I have a problem with Bach at the piano. I learned the harpsichord as a teenager, and if you give me Bach and there is a piano and a harpsichord I will sit at the harpsichord." In support of his Canadian colleague Angela Hewitt, who is due to give a Bach-on-the-piano recital later that evening, he diplomatically assures me, however, that he doesn't have any "pre-conceived ideas" about other people playing Bach on the instrument. On the contemporary side, Lortie has a particular affinity for Thomas Adès, whom he calls "a great genius. Many composers can flick a baton, but Adès can really perform," he adds.In the taxi over to Lincoln Center to hear Hewitt, Lortie can't find his ticket and jokes that he is jetlagged from the trip down from Montreal, where he has spent several weeks swimming, biking and enjoying the mountains at his country house.He frets about the dirty air in New York, describing himself as "a little bit of a freak. I do so much travelling through dirty and unhealthy cities that I'm obsessed with pure air and food." But perhaps it is this obsession with purity that has earned Lortie critical praise for his freshness of interpretation, insight and individuality.Louis Lortie plays with the Berlin Symphony Orchestra on September 17 and 18, the Concertgebouw Orchestra (Amsterdam) on September 28, 29 and 30, and the Dallas Symphony on October 20, 21, 22 and 23
By Vivien Schweitzer
Financial Times
September 6 2005
No one who meets Louis Lortie can be in any doubt that he prefers to go his own route. Venting his frustration with record companies and concert programmers, the 46-year-old French-Canadian pianist says artists should think for themselves, "but most organisations don't allow that. Soloists end up collaborating with conductors they don't know. There is no musical logic when two artist agencies decide their musicians should work together just because they can make more money."Lortie is not alone in feeling constrained by the rigidity of the music industry, but such outspokenness is rare - and may explain why less gifted pianists have had faster careers. The child of unmusical parents, he grew up in suburban Montreal, where his musical curiosity was piqued at the age of seven after hearing his grandmother play. For Lortie, the advantage of this unremarkable, un-Bohemian childhood was that "I came from scratch and had to form my own musical ideas". As he explains in his New York hotel on the eve of a recent Mozart concerto performance at Lincoln Center, these ideas often clash with the robotic schedules and artistic restrictions imposed by a fast-paced, marketing-driven world."Mozart concertos," he continues in his lightly accented English, "were never written to be played with a conductor; it's almost an absurdity. At least if they put people together they should put people together who they know will fit together, otherwise the stakes are very high. You just don't play magical Mozart if you don't rehearse enough. It's not like a big Tchaikovsky or Shostakovich that every orchestra member has played and the conductor can just pull along. All music needs time, but particularly Mozart. A missed note is more of a catastrophe than with other composers."While it seems fair to describe Lortie as a perfectionist, he prefers the (sometimes imperfect) spontaneity of live recordings, which "give a more exact image of who I am as a musician".Lortie has made more than 30 recordings on the Chandos label, but fell out with them over differences in recording techniques. He will soon be working with a new label, which he avoids identifying, except to venture that it's one where he will enjoy "total freedom".His first release on the new label is to be the complete Beethoven sonatas, which he believes will be the first live cycle ever recorded. Lortie finds the constraints of studio recording "very frustrating". Most labels have their own sound, he explains, and want their artists to record in certain halls with certain microphones. "Even as a youngster I could listen to recordings and recognise the Decca sound, then figure out who was playing by remembering who was on that label. And that's terrible! It's more interesting for the audience to hear you with the acoustics of a small wooden hall than a huge hall. It's like they're travelling with you."Having no control over which piano he performs on is another irritant. "Thank God there are still several recording companies on the market, but you still have one piano brand [Steinway] that is in 99 per cent of concert halls. Imagine if you had only one brand of car to ride in! It's a communist idea and it doesn't work in a free society. I always ask what pianos are available, but [staff] don't like to bother as it's too much trouble with unions to move pianos around. I have discovered sometimes after the concert that there were other pianos in the hall. I think this is really repulsive; it's treating us like machines and I have no mercy for this kind of attitude."One composer Lortie shies away from is Bach. "I love his music," he says, "but I have a problem with Bach at the piano. I learned the harpsichord as a teenager, and if you give me Bach and there is a piano and a harpsichord I will sit at the harpsichord." In support of his Canadian colleague Angela Hewitt, who is due to give a Bach-on-the-piano recital later that evening, he diplomatically assures me, however, that he doesn't have any "pre-conceived ideas" about other people playing Bach on the instrument. On the contemporary side, Lortie has a particular affinity for Thomas Adès, whom he calls "a great genius. Many composers can flick a baton, but Adès can really perform," he adds.In the taxi over to Lincoln Center to hear Hewitt, Lortie can't find his ticket and jokes that he is jetlagged from the trip down from Montreal, where he has spent several weeks swimming, biking and enjoying the mountains at his country house.He frets about the dirty air in New York, describing himself as "a little bit of a freak. I do so much travelling through dirty and unhealthy cities that I'm obsessed with pure air and food." But perhaps it is this obsession with purity that has earned Lortie critical praise for his freshness of interpretation, insight and individuality.Louis Lortie plays with the Berlin Symphony Orchestra on September 17 and 18, the Concertgebouw Orchestra (Amsterdam) on September 28, 29 and 30, and the Dallas Symphony on October 20, 21, 22 and 23
Sleepless night
I had a sleepless night. Thoughts, music, sounds, and visual images just kept crossing my mind. Or I should say clouds of them? Because I cannot seem to crystalize them. Thoughts on students' progress, their future career hardships, attitudes of freshman class, Tchaikovsky Trio melodic lines, Peter, his students, our schedule, Totoro, Tiger, ...
I tried to stop the train of thoughts, but it was at a point that it was easier to just let them float across my mind than stopping them. Oh, how am I going to get through the day with no sleep?
I sent out a few important emails. I felt the need to clarify some requirements and roles my students and I play here in school.
Oh, I only wish I can just be strong and confront when I need to. Yes, Peter is correct, if I don't do so, it would only hurt people I care and myself. Do problems have to turn really ugly before they can be solved?
I tried to stop the train of thoughts, but it was at a point that it was easier to just let them float across my mind than stopping them. Oh, how am I going to get through the day with no sleep?
I sent out a few important emails. I felt the need to clarify some requirements and roles my students and I play here in school.
Oh, I only wish I can just be strong and confront when I need to. Yes, Peter is correct, if I don't do so, it would only hurt people I care and myself. Do problems have to turn really ugly before they can be solved?
Friday, September 02, 2005
Katrina
How come people don't listen to the government? When you are asked to be evacuated, you are to be evacuated. I can understand if you are sick, old, or disable, and unable to do so yourself, but other than that, why take the chance?
On the other hand, what does one do if there are no means to get out? No car/rental car, no bus/plane ticket, no gas, ...
Could this be the reason for such a disaster?
The failing levees allowed the waters of Lake Pontchartrain to inundate the streets of New Orleans on Tuesday. The breach apparently is still not fixed as of today!
Our President, cuts short his month long vacation to oversee the recovery effort. Did I hear that right? United States President has a month long vacation? I don't even get a week long vacation, and our President in the midst of the war with terrorism, nature disaster is on vacation? I am speechless.
Biloxi, a Mississippi city is completely flatten by the hurricane Katrina.
New Orleans is literally a swamp at this point.
Help is on the way. Is it really? How can the most powerful country in the world respond to emergency so incompetently? un-organized, slow with no plan? Bureaucracy is the problem. The second when the emergency status is declared, there should be no obsticle between the help and the needy. The State should not blame the Federal government for lack of better preparation and plan, and Federal should act IMMEDIATELY without any stupid evaluation while it is a TRUE EMERGENCY! Is there no direct communication line from the lowest branch of our Gov. to the highest branch even when there is no electricity? I would surely hope that the most ancient way of communication has not been lost already. Plus if United States of America's government cannot rebuild a communication system quickly, that is truly unbelievable.
What if this is not a nature disaster? What if this is actually a terrorist attack? What kind of the emergency system we have here?
How can people loot, rape, or kill in the middle of all these? Are we not human? Are we not civilized? Are we so primitive still?
As an American, I am ashamed, speechless, troubled, scared, ...
If our system does not work, that is like the foundation of the house is not secure, which means the country is not secure, which means we as Americans are not secure.
Help is on the way, I can only do what I can by donating. Even whenI donate, there is always the fear of this: did my donation really make any difference? If the money is not used to help the people, but is wasted for all the stupid paper work, then what is the point?
It is a troublesome time. The nature is going crazy, the world is going crazy, the people are already crazy, and the gas price is totally out of control.
On the other hand, what does one do if there are no means to get out? No car/rental car, no bus/plane ticket, no gas, ...
Could this be the reason for such a disaster?
"the levees that ring the city have led to the rapid decay of nearby
wetlands during the past century, removing a crucial buffer zone that once
protected the area from hurricanes. Hurricanes quickly lose force when
they hit land, but New Orleans is now vulnerable to violent storms because the
land around it has been rapidly disappearing. Today, New Orleans is almost
completely exposed to the Gulf of Mexico" said Val Marmillion, a consultant for
the America's Wetland group, which is lobbying for the Louisiana coast
area.
"There are almost open water conditions around New Orleans now," Marmillion
said. "Because of wetland loss some areas of Louisiana are no longer protected
at all."
Wetlands act as a "speed bump," slowing down storms almost
like dry land does, said Kip Patrick, spokesman for America's Wetland. "They
take some of the brunt of the force of the hurricane, weakens the storm like any
land mass would."By Bob Sullivan, Technology correspondent, MSNBC - Aug. 29, 2005
The failing levees allowed the waters of Lake Pontchartrain to inundate the streets of New Orleans on Tuesday. The breach apparently is still not fixed as of today!
Our President, cuts short his month long vacation to oversee the recovery effort. Did I hear that right? United States President has a month long vacation? I don't even get a week long vacation, and our President in the midst of the war with terrorism, nature disaster is on vacation? I am speechless.
Biloxi, a Mississippi city is completely flatten by the hurricane Katrina.
New Orleans is literally a swamp at this point.
Help is on the way. Is it really? How can the most powerful country in the world respond to emergency so incompetently? un-organized, slow with no plan? Bureaucracy is the problem. The second when the emergency status is declared, there should be no obsticle between the help and the needy. The State should not blame the Federal government for lack of better preparation and plan, and Federal should act IMMEDIATELY without any stupid evaluation while it is a TRUE EMERGENCY! Is there no direct communication line from the lowest branch of our Gov. to the highest branch even when there is no electricity? I would surely hope that the most ancient way of communication has not been lost already. Plus if United States of America's government cannot rebuild a communication system quickly, that is truly unbelievable.
What if this is not a nature disaster? What if this is actually a terrorist attack? What kind of the emergency system we have here?
How can people loot, rape, or kill in the middle of all these? Are we not human? Are we not civilized? Are we so primitive still?
As an American, I am ashamed, speechless, troubled, scared, ...
If our system does not work, that is like the foundation of the house is not secure, which means the country is not secure, which means we as Americans are not secure.
Help is on the way, I can only do what I can by donating. Even whenI donate, there is always the fear of this: did my donation really make any difference? If the money is not used to help the people, but is wasted for all the stupid paper work, then what is the point?
It is a troublesome time. The nature is going crazy, the world is going crazy, the people are already crazy, and the gas price is totally out of control.
Monday, August 29, 2005
August 30th, 2005
It has been a productive and interesting day. I had a great practice of Tchaikovsky Trio, had started to learn the 2nd Schumann Piano Trio, and had most of my private students' schedule sorted out for fall 2006.
Tchaikovsky Trio is always going to be physically challenging for me no matter how many times I had performed it. Having hands that can only play octaves, his piano trio part brings quite a strain to my hands. I love the variation-movement, the varieties of mood expression are so cleverly layed out that if the timings between each variations are measured well, the whole movement goes through like one act of a ballet or an opera.
Schumann's harmonic writing is so intriguing. each harmony brings you along with his journey of moods and expressions. I hope I can manage to bring listeners along to this journey.
It is tough to speak to someone you don't like. However, it is harder to speak to someone you don't like, and having to pretend that you actually like the person. You might ask, why do you need to do that, just be truthful to yourself. Well, no, it is not as simple. You have to consider your environment, your long term plan, your dream, your priority, your principle and many other factors. For me to express how I really feel about one person might make me feel great at the time, but it might do damage to my long term plan, or those connected to me. I know for sure, as long as I don't hurt anyone, as long as I don't bring pain or suffering to anyone, as long as I can be firm on my principles, I can have and use different strategies in my life. As I get older, I realize one cannot be selfish, because a selfish act will come back to hunt you.
This fall semester is going to be a challenging one. The schedule looks like this: two weeks tour in Taiwan, 14 trio concerts, 2 days of college teaching per week, 2 days of private teaching per week, learning new repertoire, rehearsing, continuing reading and improving my English skills, getting myself in shape, eat healthy, and many more. Can I keep myself sane while doing all these? Peter has total of 20 hours plus private teaching each week in addition to his performing & orchestra schedule. I hope he will be able to maintain his sanity, and be healthy and happy while doing all the work. We are in our 30s, and yes, it is time to work hard, However, we should be careful how we distribute our time also. Human body cannot run 24/7 without a break. Human brain cannot function 24/7 with breaks either. Let this semester be a good learning experience for both Peter and me for time management. We should work hard, stay healthy, and still enjoy life!
By the way, my trio's Karl Goldmark Piano Trios CD received a review from George Chien, Fanfare Magazine, to read the review, go to http://www.arkivmusic.com/classical/album.jsp;jsessionid=5FAD97768A88545AF2EC81356FB6FA7E?album_id=91529 .
Tchaikovsky Trio is always going to be physically challenging for me no matter how many times I had performed it. Having hands that can only play octaves, his piano trio part brings quite a strain to my hands. I love the variation-movement, the varieties of mood expression are so cleverly layed out that if the timings between each variations are measured well, the whole movement goes through like one act of a ballet or an opera.
Schumann's harmonic writing is so intriguing. each harmony brings you along with his journey of moods and expressions. I hope I can manage to bring listeners along to this journey.
It is tough to speak to someone you don't like. However, it is harder to speak to someone you don't like, and having to pretend that you actually like the person. You might ask, why do you need to do that, just be truthful to yourself. Well, no, it is not as simple. You have to consider your environment, your long term plan, your dream, your priority, your principle and many other factors. For me to express how I really feel about one person might make me feel great at the time, but it might do damage to my long term plan, or those connected to me. I know for sure, as long as I don't hurt anyone, as long as I don't bring pain or suffering to anyone, as long as I can be firm on my principles, I can have and use different strategies in my life. As I get older, I realize one cannot be selfish, because a selfish act will come back to hunt you.
This fall semester is going to be a challenging one. The schedule looks like this: two weeks tour in Taiwan, 14 trio concerts, 2 days of college teaching per week, 2 days of private teaching per week, learning new repertoire, rehearsing, continuing reading and improving my English skills, getting myself in shape, eat healthy, and many more. Can I keep myself sane while doing all these? Peter has total of 20 hours plus private teaching each week in addition to his performing & orchestra schedule. I hope he will be able to maintain his sanity, and be healthy and happy while doing all the work. We are in our 30s, and yes, it is time to work hard, However, we should be careful how we distribute our time also. Human body cannot run 24/7 without a break. Human brain cannot function 24/7 with breaks either. Let this semester be a good learning experience for both Peter and me for time management. We should work hard, stay healthy, and still enjoy life!
By the way, my trio's Karl Goldmark Piano Trios CD received a review from George Chien, Fanfare Magazine, to read the review, go to http://www.arkivmusic.com/classical/album.jsp;jsessionid=5FAD97768A88545AF2EC81356FB6FA7E?album_id=91529 .
Sunday, August 28, 2005
A Nasty Saleswoman
There are so many different kinds of people in this world. Today I encountered a very unkind, nasty, mean, obnoxious woman. This happened at Macy's 2nd. Floor, Bridal section in Tyson's Corner II. I have been looking to purchase a concert dress lately, and today was going to be my last try no matter whether I found one or not. My husband and me wondered into this Bridal section, and saw a selection of dresses on sales. They are mostly samples. For me, as long as it looks fine, and I can play the piano in it, it is considered a good dress. So, I started going through them. After picking about 3 or 4 of them to try on, this lady (in her 50s maybe) approached us asking why I was looking for the dresses, and how soon I will need them... Before I could even answer those questions, she went on to say that, their sizes were smaller than usual, and she suggested that I probably would not be able to fit in them. She also said, that if I did find one that I could fit in, it would take more than 2 months to order it, although, if I wanted to buy it from here (meaning the discount section), it is ok too. While she was speaking to us, she was also giving us the most condescending look, and as soon as she finished, she walked away. My husband and me both were in shock. First of all, we did not ask for any one to help. Secondly, if you are going to help, do so. I have never heard of a salesperson telling a customer that he or she cannot fit into these clothes, and to go look for them elsewhere. I was so angry that even though I held in my hand at least 3 possibilities, I was not about to spend my hard earned money here. My husband took a quick look at me, and without having to speak to me, put the dresses back on the rack, took my hand and walked away. Maybe it was because both my husband and I were wearing jeans? Maybe it was because we didn't look like we could afford a dress? Maybe it was because I am a bit overweight?! (so?!) Maybe it is because I was not going to order 3, 4 or 5 dresses for my bridesmaids since I am married already? Maybe it was because she just didn't want to sell anything to me because I am Asian (it is not like she was born an American, she still has a thick accent)? None of these made any sense. If any of the above would cause her to speak to us and hint us to leave the place, then she should not be a saleswoman. Later of course I found my dress at Lord and Taylor. A bit pricey, but useful, comfortable and elegant. I promise that I will never set my foot in Macy's again. I will make sure I tell my family and friends about this. If a sales person at a big department store is allowed to treat a potential customer like that, then there is something wrong with their management.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Pedants and partisans
This is an article forwarded from a friend.
Pedants and partisans
- Author: Terry Eagleton
Publication: The Guardian
Date: February 22, 2003
Terry Eagleton argues that fundamentalism is characterised by a dangerous reverence for words http://books.guardian.co.uk/review/story/0,12084,899641,00.html
There are two things desirable for fighting fundamentalists. The first is not to be one yourself. The US government's war on the movement is somewhat compromised by the fact that it is run by scripture-spouting fanatics for whom the sanctity of human life ends at the moment of birth. This is rather like using the British National party to run ex-Nazis to earth, or hiring Henry Kissinger to investigate mass murder, as George Bush recently did by nominating him to inquire into the background to September 11. Fundamentalists of the Texan stripe are not best placed to hunt down the Taliban variety.
The second desirable thing is to know what fundamentalism is. The answer to this is less obvious than it might seem. Fundamentalism doesn't just mean people with fundamental beliefs, since that covers everyone. Being a person means being constituted by certain basic convictions, even if they are largely unconscious. What you are, in the end, is what you cannot walk away from. These convictions do not need to be burning or eye-catching or even true; they just have to go all the way down, like believing that Caracas is in Venezuela or that torturing babies is wrong. They are the kind of beliefs that choose us more than we choose them. Sceptics who doubt you can know anything for sure have at least one fundamental conviction. "Fundamental" doesn't necessarily mean "worth dying for". You may be passionately convinced that the quality of life in San Francisco is superior to that in Strabane, but reluctant to go to the gallows for it.
Fundamentalists are not always the type who seize you by the throat with one fist while thumping the table with the other. There are plenty of soft-spoken, self-effacing examples of the species. It isn't a question of style. Nor is the opposite of fundamentalism lukewarmness, or the tiresome liberal prejudice that the truth always lies somewhere in the middle. Tolerance and partisanship are not incompatible. Anti-fundamentalists are not people without passionate beliefs; they are people who number among their passionate beliefs the conviction that you have as much right to your opinion as they have. And for this, some of them are certainly prepared to die. The historian AJP Taylor was once asked at an interview for an Oxford fellowship whether it was true that he held extreme political beliefs, to which he replied that it was, but that he held them moderately. He may have been hinting that he was a secret sceptic, but he probably just meant that he did not agree with forcing his beliefs on others.
The word "fundamentalism" was first used in the early years of the last century by anti-liberal US Christians, who singled out seven supposed fundamentals of their faith. The word, then, is not one of those derogatory terms that only other people use about you, like "fatso". It began life as a proud self-description. The first of the seven fundamentals was a belief in the literal truth of the Bible; and this is probably the best definition of fundamentalism there is. It is basically a textual affair. Fundamentalists are those who believe that our linguistic currency is trustworthy only if it is backed by the gold standard of the Word of Words. They see God as copperfastening human meaning. Fundamentalism means sticking strictly to the script, which in turn means being deeply fearful of the improvised, ambiguous or indeterminate.
Fundamentalists, however, fail to realise that the phrase "sacred text" is self-contradictory. Since writing is meaning that can be handled by anybody, any time, it is always profane and promiscuous. Meaning that has been written down is bound to be unhygienic. Words that could only ever mean one thing would not be words. Fundamentalism is the paranoid condition of those who do not see that roughness is not a defect of human existence, but what makes it work. For them, it is as though we have to measure Everest down to the last millimetre if we are not to be completely stumped about how high it is. It is not surprising that fundamentalism abhors sexuality and the body, since in one sense all flesh is rough, and all sex is rough trade.
The New Testament author known as Luke is presumably aware that Jesus was actually born in Galilee. But he needs to have him born in Judea, since the Messiah is to spring from the Judea-based house of David. A Messiah born in bumpkinish Galilee would be like one born in Gary, Indiana. So Luke coolly invents a Roman census, for which there is no independent evidence, which requires everyone to return to their place of birth to be registered. Since Jesus's father Joseph comes from Bethlehem in Judea, he and his wife Mary obediently trudge off to the town, where Jesus is conveniently born.
It would be hard to think up a more ludicrous way of registering the population of the entire Roman empire than having them all return to their birthplaces. Why not just register them on the spot? The result of such a madcap scheme would have been total chaos. The traffic jams would have made Ken Livingstone's job look positively cushy. And we would almost certainly have heard about this international gridlocking from rather more disinterested witnesses than Luke. Yet fundamentalists must take Luke at his word.
Fundamentalists are really necrophiliacs, in love with a dead letter. The letter of the sacred text must be rigidly embalmed if it is to imbue life with the certitude and finality of death. Matthew's gospel, in a moment of carelessness, presents Jesus as riding into Jerusalem on both a colt and an ass - in which case, for the fundamentalist, the Son of God must indeed have had one leg thrown over each.
The fundamentalist is a more diseased version of the argument-from- the-floodgates type of conservative. Once you allow one motorist to throw up out of the car window without imposing a lengthy prison sentence, then before you know where you are, every motorist will be throwing up out of the window all the time, and the roads will become impassable. It is this kind of pathological anxiety, pressed to an extreme, which drove the religious police in Mecca early last year to send fleeing schoolgirls back into their burning school because they were not wearing their robes and head dresses, and which inspires family-loving US pro-lifers eager to incinerate Iraq to gun down doctors who terminate pregnancies. To read the world literally is a kind of insanity.
Friday, August 26, 2005
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Something to think about
A friend forwarded these to me.
For those who can read Chinese.
謹以此文獻給流浪在外的子女們
遊蕩了這麼多年，從東到西，又從北到南，一年又一年，我在長大，知識在增加，世界在變小，家鄉的母親在變老。
二 十一年前母親把我送上了火車，從那以後，我一刻也沒有停止探索這個世界，二十年裡，從北京到上海，從廣州到香港，從紐約到華盛頓，從南美到南非，從倫敦 到雪梨，我遊蕩過五十多個國家，在十幾個城市生活和工作過。每到一個地方，從裡到外，就得改變自己以適應新的環境，而唯一不變的是心中對母親的思念。IP 電話
卡出現後，我才有能力常常從國外給母親打電話，電話中母親興奮不已的聲音總能讓我更加輕鬆地面對生活中的艱難和挑戰。然而也有讓我不安的地 方，那就是我感 覺到母親的聲音一次比一次蒼老。過去兩年裡，母親每次電話中總是反覆叮囑：好好再外面生活，不要擔心我，一定要照顧好自己，不要想著回來，回來很花錢，又 對你的工作和事業不好，不要想著我…說得越來越囉嗦，囉嗦得讓我心疼，我知道，母親想我了。
母親今年七十五歲。
我毅然決 定放下手頭的一切工作，擱下心裡的一切計劃，扣下腦袋裡的一切想法，回國回家去陪伴母親一個月。這一個月裡，什麼也不幹，什麼也不想，只是陪伴母 親。從我打電話告訴母親的那一天開始到我回到家，有兩個月零八天，後來我知道，母親放下電話後，就拿出一個小本本，然後給自己擬定了一個計劃，她要為我回 家做準備。那兩個月裡母親把我喜歡吃的菜都準備好，把我小時候喜歡蓋\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\的被子「筒」好，還要為我準備在家裡穿的衣服…這一切對於一個行動不方便的，患有輕微老年癡呆症的75歲的母親來說是多麼的不容易，你肯定無法體會。直到我回去的前一天，母親才自豪地告訴鄰居：總算準備好了。
我 回到了家。在飛機上，我很想見到母親的時候擁抱她一下，但見面後我並沒有這樣做。母親站在那裡，像一隻風乾的劈柴，臉上的皺紋讓我怎麼也想不起以前母親 的樣子。母親花了整個整個的小時準備菜，她準備的都是我以前最喜歡的。但是我知道，我早就不再喜歡我以前喜歡的菜。而且母親由於眼睛看不清，味覺的變化， 做的菜都是鹹一碗，淡一碗的。母親為我準備的被子是新棉花墊的，厚厚的像席夢思，我一點也不習慣，我早就用空調被子和羊毛被了。但我都沒有說出來。我是回 來陪伴母親的。
開始兩天母親忙找張羅來張羅去，沒有時間坐下來，後來有時間坐下來了，母親就開始囉嗦了。母親開始給我講人生的大道理，只 是這些大道理是幾十年前母親反覆 講過的。後來母親還講，而且開始對照這些道理來檢討我的生活和工作。於是我開始耐心地告訴媽媽，那些道理過時了。於是母親就會癡呆呆地坐在那裡。
情 況變得越來越糟糕。我發現母親由於身體特別是眼睛不好，做飯時不講衛生，飯菜裡經常混進蟲子蒼蠅，飯菜掉在灶台上，她又會撿進碗裡，於是我婉轉地告訴母 親，我們到外面吃一點。母親馬上告訴我，外面吃不乾淨，假東西多。我又告訴母親，想為她請一個保姆，母親生氣地一拐一拐在房間裡辟啪辟啪地走，說她自己還 可以去給人家當保姆。我無話可說。我要去逛街，母親一定要去，結果我們一個上午都沒有走到商場。
每當我們討論一些事情的時候，母親總以為 兒子已經誤入歧途，而我也開始不客氣地告訴母親，時代進步了，不要再用老眼光看東西。和母親在一起的下半個月，我 越來越多地打斷母親的話，越來越多的感到不耐煩，但我們從來沒有爭吵，因為每當我提高聲音或者打斷母親的話，她都一下子停下來，沉默不語，眼睛裡有迷茫 ——母親的老年癡呆症越來越嚴重了。
我要走前，母親從床底下吃力地拉出一個小紙箱，打開來，取出厚厚的一疊剪報。原來我出國後，母親開始 關心國外的事情，為此他還專門訂了份《參考消息》，每 當她看到國外發生的一些排華辱華事件，又或者出現嚴重的治安問題，她就會小心地把它們剪下來，放好。她要等我回來，一起交給我。她常常說，出門在外，要小 心。幾天前鄰居告訴我，母親在家看一曲日本人欺負中國華人的電視劇，在家哭了起來，第二天到處打聽怎麼樣子才能帶消息到日本。那時我正在日本講學。
母 親吃力地把那捆剪報搬出來，好像寶貝一樣交到我手裡，沉甸甸的，我為難了，我不可能帶這些走，何況這些也沒有什麼用處，可是母親剪這些資料下來的艱難也 只有我知道，母親看報必須使用放大鏡，她一天可以看完兩個版面就不錯了，要剪這麼大一捆資料，可想而知。我正在為難，這時那一捆剪報裡飄落下一片紙片。我 想去撿起來，沒有想到，母親竟然先撿了起來。只是她並沒有放進我手裡的這捆剪報裡，而是小心地收進了自己的口袋。「媽媽，那一張剪報是什麼？給我看一 下。」我問。母親猶豫了一下，把那張小剪報放在那一疊剪報上面，轉身到廚房準備晚餐\\\。我拿起小剪報，發現是一篇小文章，題目是「當我老了」，旁邊的日期是《參考消息》2004年12月6日（正是我開始越來越多打斷母親的話，對母親不耐煩的時候）。
文章擇選自墨西哥《數字家庭》十一月號。我一口氣讀完這篇短文─
當我老了：
當我老了，不再是原來的我。請理解我，對我有一點耐心。
當我把菜湯灑到自己的衣服上時，當我忘記怎樣繫鞋帶時，請想一想當初我是如何手把手地教你。
當我一遍又一遍地重複你早已聽膩的話語，請耐心地聽我說，不要打斷我。你小的時候，我不得不重複那個講過千百遍的故事，直到你進入夢鄉。
當我需要你幫我洗澡時，請不要責備我。還記得小時候我千方百計哄你洗澡的情形嗎？
當我對新科技和新事物不知所措時，請不要嘲笑我。想一想當初我怎樣耐心地回答你的每一個「為什麼」。
當我由於雙腿疲勞而無法行走時，請伸出你年輕有力的手攙扶我。就像你小時候學習走路時，我扶你那樣。
當我忽然忘記我們談話的主題，請給我一些時間讓我回想。其實對我來說，談論什麼並不重要，只要你能在一旁聽我說，我就很滿足。
當你看著老去的我，請不要悲傷。理解我，支持我，就像你剛才開始學習如何生活時我對你那樣。當初我引導你走上人生路，如今請陪伴我走完最後的路。給我你的愛和耐心，我會抱以感激的微笑，這微笑中凝結著我對你無限的愛。
一口氣讀完，我差一點忍不住流下眼淚\\\，這時母親走出來，我假裝什麼也沒有發生，母親原本是要我帶走後回到海外自己再看到這片剪報的。我隨手把那篇文章放在這一捆剪報裡。然後把我的箱子打開，我留下了一套昂貴的西裝，才把剪報塞進去。
我看到母親特別高興，彷彿那些剪報是護身符，又彷彿我接受了母親的剪報，就又變成了一個好孩子。母親一直把我送上出租車。
那捆剪報真的沒有什麼用處，但那篇「當我老了」的小紙片從此以後會伴隨我…
現在這張小紙片就在我的書桌前，我把它鑲在了鏡框裡。現在我把這文章打印出來，與像我一樣的海外遊子共享。
在新的一年將要到來的時候，給母親打個電話，告訴她你一直想吃她老人家做的小菜…
2004年12月28日
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《天下雜誌》出版這本心靈小品，希望能在這個炎炎夏日裡，為你吹入一抹心靈涼風。
◎小時鐘
與陌生人初次見面時，沒有生疏尷尬的氣氛，反而有一份喜悅。那是在有三十六億人口的地球上，能與其中一人見面的原因。不能不感謝彼此相見的這份因緣。雖然活在相同的天空、相同的語言和風俗習慣下，你我的擦肩而過，是人世間的生態。
即使是不利於我的人，如果不是有相當的緣分，在浩瀚眾多的人群當中，怎麼會和這個人碰在一起呢？借用佛教的說法，那是幾世修來的因緣。人和物的情形也如同這種關係。在許多物品當中，有一個東西「來」成為我的。
在我伏案寫作的桌上，有個生活上甚為依賴、但身分不明的小時鐘。看著這小鐘愈發讓人覺得人和物之間的關係，真是奇妙得不可思議。在我眼中，它不是單純的物品而已。
那是去年秋天，凌晨禮佛時發生的事。在法堂禮佛結束後，經過板殿，我漫步約一個小時後回到住處，發現房門開著，小偷來過。平常沒有鎖門習慣的我，讓他毫不費力輕易登門入室。一看，拿走了日常生活的東西，看來我需要的，他也需要。
儘 管如此，留下的還是比他拿走的多。我忽然感到慚愧，自己有的比別人貪婪動念拿走的還多。世上所有的物品，都不是我們生下時帶來的，只是因緣際會留在人身 邊。有一天當它不見了，是因為因緣圓滿而離開，能夠這樣想的話，就不會對失去的東西感到惋惜。而且說不定那是前生我曾偷過別人東西的因果報應，現在別人拿 走了，給我償還贖罪，反而讓人有如釋負重之感。
想知道到底有什麼東西不見，我仔細的清理了房間。對於已掉的東西不再眷戀，把散落的衣物一一放回原位，不禁對人間紅塵事，別有一番滋味在心頭。
不 見的東西中比較迫切需要的是桌上的小鐘。偷兒來過後幾天，我外出買鐘。心中打定了主意，這次只要買一個最普通的便宜二手貨。來到清溪川一家鐘錶店。進去 一看，呵！呵！哈哈哈……！哎呀！這到底是怎麼一回事？幾天前遺失的小鐘，正安然地出現在眼前等著我。而且是一男子與主人正在討價還價的物品。男子一看到 我忽然低頭迴避，難掩驚惶失措的眼神，不下於他的慌張，我也緊張了一下。
最後我用一千元向那男子買回了我的小時鐘。我不是甚麼慈悲家，談不上寬恕別人。說穿了，我們不都是與舊物共同生活、處境相同的人嗎？感謝與時鐘意外失而復得的這段因緣，同時也只有自己才能扭轉自己的心。
對別人完全慈悲的寬恕，還不如說是收回將動搖迷失的自己。
◎靈魂的母音─給小王子的一封信
小 王子！你的朋友聖修伯理是這樣說的，「大人只愛數字。他們對新認識的朋友，從來不提最重要的實質性問題。他們從來不問，『他說話的聲音如何？最喜歡什麼 樣的遊戲？是否收集蝴蝶標本呢？』他們只問，『他多大年紀呀？兄弟有幾個呀？體重多少呀？他父親賺多少錢呀？』，然後以為這樣才算了解朋友。
如果你對大人們說，『我看到一棟用紅色磚瓦蓋成的漂亮房子，它的窗戶邊開著天竺葵，屋頂上還有鴿子……。』他怎麼樣也想像不出這種房子有多麼好。你必須跟他們說，『我看見一棟價值十萬法郎的房子。』那麼他們就會驚訝地叫道，『多麼不得了的房子！』」
現 在我們的處境也是陷在數字的遊戲當中。人們只關心經過兩次選舉頻頻上升的物價，出口量比預估下落，國民所得如何如何等等的數字上。彷彿從數字上顯現的愈 多，表示人們的生活過得愈好，因此讓治理國家的官員，全副精神只投注在數字上面。當數字上升時，神氣得不得了；數字下跌時，就任意發脾氣。從不去關心自己 生命的靈魂還剩下多少，生活在被數字處處擺布的日子裡。
問題在於，因這看得見的數字把戲，會讓隱藏在人內心看不見的部份逐漸萎縮乾枯。雖 然你可拿這樣的比喻說，同樣是喝水，牛喝下去出來的是牛奶，蛇喝下去最後 出來的卻是毒液，但根本還是來自操縱數字當事者人性的本質問題。老是要看數字的大人，即使在離開人間大地後，到處飄浮閃閃，也還不能覺悟那事實的真相。
小王子！你說過那種人不就是朵蘑菇吧？
「他從來沒有聞過一朵花，從來沒有看過一顆星星。他什麼人也沒有喜歡過。除了加減算帳以外，他什麼事也沒做過。他整天老是同你說，『我有正經事，我是個善良的人。』這使他驕傲得很。他簡直不像是個人，他是個蘑菇。」
對！ 如同你從狐狸那兒得到的祕密，最重要的東西用眼睛是看不到的。想要看清楚就要用心去看。事實上，我們用眼睛只能看到冰山一角，只有用心去感受才能看到 更寬闊、更廣大的世界。但是大人是這樣的嗎？單憑出現在眼前的，才算看到。他們是睜眼瞎子。對於現代人來說，努力去看那肉眼看不到的世界的智慧，是不中用 的話。
◎無所有
「我是貧窮的托缽僧。我有的是紡織車、教養院的飯缽、羊奶罐、六條老舊的毯子、毛巾及再普通不過的板凳，就這些而已。」
這是甘地一九三一年九月，前往在倫敦舉行的第二屆圓桌會議途中，對馬賽海關申報攜帶物品時所說的話。讀到《甘地語錄》中的這句話時，我感到非常慚愧。那是為自己擁有太多東西而感到慚愧。至少以我目前的本分，確是那樣。
事實上，當人來到這世上時，什麼東西也沒帶來，活到名字消失、離開人世時，也是空手離開。在活著的過程中，我們有了許多所謂生活上的必需品。不過這些都是一定需要的物品嗎？仔細想一想，不一定要的東西還真不少。
我們雖因需要而擁有物品，但有時也因那些東西帶來不少牽掛。所以擁有什麼，相對的就會為它所束縛。原來因為需要而擁有的，到後來主客顛倒，反而因此失去自由。或許，因為比別人擁有更多而炫耀，但炫耀多少，同時也得承受多少束縛折磨。
到 去年夏天之前，我非常用心和費心地養了兩盆蘭花。三年前遷移到茶來軒時，一位法師送來蘭花，成為房間內除了我以外的生命體。為了照顧這同居的小傢伙，我 特地買了養蘭的書來看，為了它的健康，除了給它好的肥料，夏天還移到涼快沒有日曬的地方，冬天則把房間內的暖氣調降到低溫。
如果把這樣的心思用在照料父母，恐怕早就成為孝子。像這樣百般地關愛它，也是有些回報。早春時，淡雅的花香，含苞待放淺色的花朵，清新如上弦月的葉片，讓人期待，也獲得茶來軒客人的讚賞喜愛。
直到去年夏天的某一天，我因要去奉先寺拜訪耘虛和尚，外出途中，原來籠罩在雨季中陰沉的天空，突然露出晴朗的陽光，樹林里流竄出的蟬鳴聲，此起彼落地與溪谷潺潺的流水聲唱和著。啊呀！想起蘭花不放在外面的庭院嗎？此時忽然怪起眼前久未露面的難得燦爛陽光。
一想到蘭花可能會被熾熱陽光曬到萎縮的光景，顧不得一切，慌慌張張地折回了住處，果不出所料，蘭花已經奄奄一息。心中有說不出的惋惜，趕快給它澆水，不久總算恢復原狀，不過，似乎沒有了原有的元氣。
那時，我才深切領悟到執著的難受。沒錯，我對蘭花太執念了。為了養蘭，不但無法外出行腳，有事外出時還得記得把窗門打開，讓空氣流通切換，因為花盆擺在外面，也不只跑回家兩、三次，這一切真是過度的執著。我決定趕快放下這執著。
幾天以後，我把它送給一位如蘭花般沉靜的訪友。我終於脫離了束縛，雖說有三年共處的情感，但是如釋重負的解脫勝過心中的不捨與失落。真是愉快的解脫！
或許是透過蘭花讓我領悟到無所有的意義，從那天起，我決定實踐每天捨棄一樣東西。
人類的歷史彷彿就像一部所有史。為了讓自己擁有更多而不停地戰鬥。佔有的慾望是永無止盡、永無休止的，哪怕是多一件就好的心理，也會讓這種佔有不斷充斥腦海。不僅不能滿足對物品的佔有，連人也要佔為己有。若不能得到滿足，甚至會不擇手段，強行自別人手中搶來。
佔 有慾與利害成正比例。不但個人如此，國家與國家也是如此。昨天還是友邦，今天卻動武，曾經大興干戈卻互派親善大使，這種例子不知看過多少。這些都是在 「佔有」的基礎上，有著利害關係。如果人類歷史從佔有變成無所有，那麼世上應該就沒有戰爭。從來沒聽過沒有戰利品代價的戰爭吧？
甘地曾經說過，「對我來說，擁有讓人想到的就是犯罪……。」
你想擁有的，別人也想，然而，讓所有人都一起擁有幾乎不可能，難怪甘地會因擁有感到罪惡。
因為想佔有會讓我們眼睛矇蔽，所以也從沒想過檢視自己的本分。將來你我都會空手離去，拋下這肉身孤孤單單地走完人生。那麼多東西，奈你有何作用呢？
捨棄的愈多，得到的愈多。這是可以讓因為身外之物而煩惱的人深思的一句話。什麼都沒有的人，其實是擁有世上所有的一切，這正是無所有的另一層意義。
◎沉默的意義
現代真是話多的時代。雖然人嘴巴的功能是要吃也要吐，但再沒有比現今人們為了不吐不快，而更勞心費力了。以前是只有人聚集在一起才能打開話匣子，現在隨著大眾媒體傳播的出現，一個人也能滔滔不絕地聒噪。
我們都有過那樣的經驗，說出那麼多的話，其實只有一、兩句是有用的話。天天從我口中說出的話，在一個人安靜下來回想時，發現絕大部份都是毫無用處的廢話。人本來應該說的是必須要說的「真話」，但實際上，從口中說出的泰半是廢話與謊話，實在令人感到擔憂。
一張嘴不停地說，體內的氣也隨著話往外擴散，致使話尾漸漸變得空虛淺薄。
有時我會想，怎麼樣才算是好朋友呢？首先，相聚在一起時，能意識到時間的存在，不會因在一起的時間感到漫長無趣，反而有「哎呀！怎麼已經……。」的感覺。彼此之間濃厚的情誼，會讓人感覺到時間飛逝得特別快，這是因為與好友相距於時間與空間之外。
其次，又怎麼樣才可以看出是好朋友呢？不錯！好朋友就是即便不說話，也不會感到無聊或尷尬。不需開口出聲，也能默默傳情。差別在沒自口中發出聲音而已，字字珠璣，從沉默當中已不斷閃爍而過。到達那境地，是時間與空間所無法左右的。
話經常伴隨誤解而來。一句相同概念的話，會造成不解和誤會，都是因為彼此不了解藏在話語背後的意思。母親可以知道正在牙牙學語的孩子說什麼，與其是聽懂他發出的聲音，不如說是豎起耳朵用心去聆聽。
這種母愛在沉默當中傳達。
不能吞下沉默的話語，那與噪音無異。從不經大腦思考、信口開河而出的話中，我們可以知道噪音與話之間的界限。今日我們的社會，不論身分地位高低，從口中說出的話會趨向淺薄鄙俗的現象，證明了人內心的空虛。這是因為人們不從內心接受沉默的觀照。
同時，急躁的現代人不知如何使用自己的語言。毫無抵抗地接受來自當權者、明星、歌手、諧星等人的言語，且如出一口的模仿。所以腦袋變得空洞，被奪走自己原有的語言。
語言的極限是沉默
修行者的寡言與沉默被視為一種美德，正是因為其中是參話頭的所在。透過默想我們聽到聚合在內心的聲音，這種內心的聲音如同還未經過編輯的經書。讀經的真正意義不也就是要與經書一起生活，去讀懂那還未成為鉛字的語言嗎？
我有一卷經
不因紙墨成
展開無一字
常放大光明
這是佛經裡的話。這話的意思是，日常中人們慣於只透過眼視、耳聞、手觸等感官動作，意識事物的存在。但實際上如沉默一般，會有視而不見、聽而不聞的時候。所以人要跳脫自我中心的既有觀念，懷著坦誠虛心，才能常放大光明。
語言是人們傳達意思的工具，有時也會有反作用的機能出現。「口是禍門」意指禍從口出，這句話是對「話」反作用的指責。
紀伯倫曾謂，我們該說的話是「用聲音之中的聲音，在耳中之耳。」事實上語言的極限說是言語，不如說是一種沉默。喜極無言，人在極度感動時是說不出話來的。但人們通常仍是照說自己愛說的，且認為非說不可。
也 有該說卻死守沉默的人。那不是美德，而是一種卑怯的迴避。那種沉默有時形同犯罪，沒有勇氣面對正義與真理的沉默是卑怯的逃避。卑怯的迴避只會讓我們的社 會蒙受污點。沉默的意義是為了去除贅語與廢話，說出正正當當有用的話，不是死守膽怯的沉默。它讓人們不管在哪兒，都可以無距離感地暢談，而這些話語也連接 貫通了你我光明的大道。這也是修行者修練沉默的意義。
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For those who can read Chinese.
謹以此文獻給流浪在外的子女們
遊蕩了這麼多年，從東到西，又從北到南，一年又一年，我在長大，知識在增加，世界在變小，家鄉的母親在變老。
二 十一年前母親把我送上了火車，從那以後，我一刻也沒有停止探索這個世界，二十年裡，從北京到上海，從廣州到香港，從紐約到華盛頓，從南美到南非，從倫敦 到雪梨，我遊蕩過五十多個國家，在十幾個城市生活和工作過。每到一個地方，從裡到外，就得改變自己以適應新的環境，而唯一不變的是心中對母親的思念。IP 電話
卡出現後，我才有能力常常從國外給母親打電話，電話中母親興奮不已的聲音總能讓我更加輕鬆地面對生活中的艱難和挑戰。然而也有讓我不安的地 方，那就是我感 覺到母親的聲音一次比一次蒼老。過去兩年裡，母親每次電話中總是反覆叮囑：好好再外面生活，不要擔心我，一定要照顧好自己，不要想著回來，回來很花錢，又 對你的工作和事業不好，不要想著我…說得越來越囉嗦，囉嗦得讓我心疼，我知道，母親想我了。
母親今年七十五歲。
我毅然決 定放下手頭的一切工作，擱下心裡的一切計劃，扣下腦袋裡的一切想法，回國回家去陪伴母親一個月。這一個月裡，什麼也不幹，什麼也不想，只是陪伴母 親。從我打電話告訴母親的那一天開始到我回到家，有兩個月零八天，後來我知道，母親放下電話後，就拿出一個小本本，然後給自己擬定了一個計劃，她要為我回 家做準備。那兩個月裡母親把我喜歡吃的菜都準備好，把我小時候喜歡蓋\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\的被子「筒」好，還要為我準備在家裡穿的衣服…這一切對於一個行動不方便的，患有輕微老年癡呆症的75歲的母親來說是多麼的不容易，你肯定無法體會。直到我回去的前一天，母親才自豪地告訴鄰居：總算準備好了。
我 回到了家。在飛機上，我很想見到母親的時候擁抱她一下，但見面後我並沒有這樣做。母親站在那裡，像一隻風乾的劈柴，臉上的皺紋讓我怎麼也想不起以前母親 的樣子。母親花了整個整個的小時準備菜，她準備的都是我以前最喜歡的。但是我知道，我早就不再喜歡我以前喜歡的菜。而且母親由於眼睛看不清，味覺的變化， 做的菜都是鹹一碗，淡一碗的。母親為我準備的被子是新棉花墊的，厚厚的像席夢思，我一點也不習慣，我早就用空調被子和羊毛被了。但我都沒有說出來。我是回 來陪伴母親的。
開始兩天母親忙找張羅來張羅去，沒有時間坐下來，後來有時間坐下來了，母親就開始囉嗦了。母親開始給我講人生的大道理，只 是這些大道理是幾十年前母親反覆 講過的。後來母親還講，而且開始對照這些道理來檢討我的生活和工作。於是我開始耐心地告訴媽媽，那些道理過時了。於是母親就會癡呆呆地坐在那裡。
情 況變得越來越糟糕。我發現母親由於身體特別是眼睛不好，做飯時不講衛生，飯菜裡經常混進蟲子蒼蠅，飯菜掉在灶台上，她又會撿進碗裡，於是我婉轉地告訴母 親，我們到外面吃一點。母親馬上告訴我，外面吃不乾淨，假東西多。我又告訴母親，想為她請一個保姆，母親生氣地一拐一拐在房間裡辟啪辟啪地走，說她自己還 可以去給人家當保姆。我無話可說。我要去逛街，母親一定要去，結果我們一個上午都沒有走到商場。
每當我們討論一些事情的時候，母親總以為 兒子已經誤入歧途，而我也開始不客氣地告訴母親，時代進步了，不要再用老眼光看東西。和母親在一起的下半個月，我 越來越多地打斷母親的話，越來越多的感到不耐煩，但我們從來沒有爭吵，因為每當我提高聲音或者打斷母親的話，她都一下子停下來，沉默不語，眼睛裡有迷茫 ——母親的老年癡呆症越來越嚴重了。
我要走前，母親從床底下吃力地拉出一個小紙箱，打開來，取出厚厚的一疊剪報。原來我出國後，母親開始 關心國外的事情，為此他還專門訂了份《參考消息》，每 當她看到國外發生的一些排華辱華事件，又或者出現嚴重的治安問題，她就會小心地把它們剪下來，放好。她要等我回來，一起交給我。她常常說，出門在外，要小 心。幾天前鄰居告訴我，母親在家看一曲日本人欺負中國華人的電視劇，在家哭了起來，第二天到處打聽怎麼樣子才能帶消息到日本。那時我正在日本講學。
母 親吃力地把那捆剪報搬出來，好像寶貝一樣交到我手裡，沉甸甸的，我為難了，我不可能帶這些走，何況這些也沒有什麼用處，可是母親剪這些資料下來的艱難也 只有我知道，母親看報必須使用放大鏡，她一天可以看完兩個版面就不錯了，要剪這麼大一捆資料，可想而知。我正在為難，這時那一捆剪報裡飄落下一片紙片。我 想去撿起來，沒有想到，母親竟然先撿了起來。只是她並沒有放進我手裡的這捆剪報裡，而是小心地收進了自己的口袋。「媽媽，那一張剪報是什麼？給我看一 下。」我問。母親猶豫了一下，把那張小剪報放在那一疊剪報上面，轉身到廚房準備晚餐\\\。我拿起小剪報，發現是一篇小文章，題目是「當我老了」，旁邊的日期是《參考消息》2004年12月6日（正是我開始越來越多打斷母親的話，對母親不耐煩的時候）。
文章擇選自墨西哥《數字家庭》十一月號。我一口氣讀完這篇短文─
當我老了：
當我老了，不再是原來的我。請理解我，對我有一點耐心。
當我把菜湯灑到自己的衣服上時，當我忘記怎樣繫鞋帶時，請想一想當初我是如何手把手地教你。
當我一遍又一遍地重複你早已聽膩的話語，請耐心地聽我說，不要打斷我。你小的時候，我不得不重複那個講過千百遍的故事，直到你進入夢鄉。
當我需要你幫我洗澡時，請不要責備我。還記得小時候我千方百計哄你洗澡的情形嗎？
當我對新科技和新事物不知所措時，請不要嘲笑我。想一想當初我怎樣耐心地回答你的每一個「為什麼」。
當我由於雙腿疲勞而無法行走時，請伸出你年輕有力的手攙扶我。就像你小時候學習走路時，我扶你那樣。
當我忽然忘記我們談話的主題，請給我一些時間讓我回想。其實對我來說，談論什麼並不重要，只要你能在一旁聽我說，我就很滿足。
當你看著老去的我，請不要悲傷。理解我，支持我，就像你剛才開始學習如何生活時我對你那樣。當初我引導你走上人生路，如今請陪伴我走完最後的路。給我你的愛和耐心，我會抱以感激的微笑，這微笑中凝結著我對你無限的愛。
一口氣讀完，我差一點忍不住流下眼淚\\\，這時母親走出來，我假裝什麼也沒有發生，母親原本是要我帶走後回到海外自己再看到這片剪報的。我隨手把那篇文章放在這一捆剪報裡。然後把我的箱子打開，我留下了一套昂貴的西裝，才把剪報塞進去。
我看到母親特別高興，彷彿那些剪報是護身符，又彷彿我接受了母親的剪報，就又變成了一個好孩子。母親一直把我送上出租車。
那捆剪報真的沒有什麼用處，但那篇「當我老了」的小紙片從此以後會伴隨我…
現在這張小紙片就在我的書桌前，我把它鑲在了鏡框裡。現在我把這文章打印出來，與像我一樣的海外遊子共享。
在新的一年將要到來的時候，給母親打個電話，告訴她你一直想吃她老人家做的小菜…
2004年12月28日
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《天下雜誌》出版這本心靈小品，希望能在這個炎炎夏日裡，為你吹入一抹心靈涼風。
◎小時鐘
與陌生人初次見面時，沒有生疏尷尬的氣氛，反而有一份喜悅。那是在有三十六億人口的地球上，能與其中一人見面的原因。不能不感謝彼此相見的這份因緣。雖然活在相同的天空、相同的語言和風俗習慣下，你我的擦肩而過，是人世間的生態。
即使是不利於我的人，如果不是有相當的緣分，在浩瀚眾多的人群當中，怎麼會和這個人碰在一起呢？借用佛教的說法，那是幾世修來的因緣。人和物的情形也如同這種關係。在許多物品當中，有一個東西「來」成為我的。
在我伏案寫作的桌上，有個生活上甚為依賴、但身分不明的小時鐘。看著這小鐘愈發讓人覺得人和物之間的關係，真是奇妙得不可思議。在我眼中，它不是單純的物品而已。
那是去年秋天，凌晨禮佛時發生的事。在法堂禮佛結束後，經過板殿，我漫步約一個小時後回到住處，發現房門開著，小偷來過。平常沒有鎖門習慣的我，讓他毫不費力輕易登門入室。一看，拿走了日常生活的東西，看來我需要的，他也需要。
儘 管如此，留下的還是比他拿走的多。我忽然感到慚愧，自己有的比別人貪婪動念拿走的還多。世上所有的物品，都不是我們生下時帶來的，只是因緣際會留在人身 邊。有一天當它不見了，是因為因緣圓滿而離開，能夠這樣想的話，就不會對失去的東西感到惋惜。而且說不定那是前生我曾偷過別人東西的因果報應，現在別人拿 走了，給我償還贖罪，反而讓人有如釋負重之感。
想知道到底有什麼東西不見，我仔細的清理了房間。對於已掉的東西不再眷戀，把散落的衣物一一放回原位，不禁對人間紅塵事，別有一番滋味在心頭。
不 見的東西中比較迫切需要的是桌上的小鐘。偷兒來過後幾天，我外出買鐘。心中打定了主意，這次只要買一個最普通的便宜二手貨。來到清溪川一家鐘錶店。進去 一看，呵！呵！哈哈哈……！哎呀！這到底是怎麼一回事？幾天前遺失的小鐘，正安然地出現在眼前等著我。而且是一男子與主人正在討價還價的物品。男子一看到 我忽然低頭迴避，難掩驚惶失措的眼神，不下於他的慌張，我也緊張了一下。
最後我用一千元向那男子買回了我的小時鐘。我不是甚麼慈悲家，談不上寬恕別人。說穿了，我們不都是與舊物共同生活、處境相同的人嗎？感謝與時鐘意外失而復得的這段因緣，同時也只有自己才能扭轉自己的心。
對別人完全慈悲的寬恕，還不如說是收回將動搖迷失的自己。
◎靈魂的母音─給小王子的一封信
小 王子！你的朋友聖修伯理是這樣說的，「大人只愛數字。他們對新認識的朋友，從來不提最重要的實質性問題。他們從來不問，『他說話的聲音如何？最喜歡什麼 樣的遊戲？是否收集蝴蝶標本呢？』他們只問，『他多大年紀呀？兄弟有幾個呀？體重多少呀？他父親賺多少錢呀？』，然後以為這樣才算了解朋友。
如果你對大人們說，『我看到一棟用紅色磚瓦蓋成的漂亮房子，它的窗戶邊開著天竺葵，屋頂上還有鴿子……。』他怎麼樣也想像不出這種房子有多麼好。你必須跟他們說，『我看見一棟價值十萬法郎的房子。』那麼他們就會驚訝地叫道，『多麼不得了的房子！』」
現 在我們的處境也是陷在數字的遊戲當中。人們只關心經過兩次選舉頻頻上升的物價，出口量比預估下落，國民所得如何如何等等的數字上。彷彿從數字上顯現的愈 多，表示人們的生活過得愈好，因此讓治理國家的官員，全副精神只投注在數字上面。當數字上升時，神氣得不得了；數字下跌時，就任意發脾氣。從不去關心自己 生命的靈魂還剩下多少，生活在被數字處處擺布的日子裡。
問題在於，因這看得見的數字把戲，會讓隱藏在人內心看不見的部份逐漸萎縮乾枯。雖 然你可拿這樣的比喻說，同樣是喝水，牛喝下去出來的是牛奶，蛇喝下去最後 出來的卻是毒液，但根本還是來自操縱數字當事者人性的本質問題。老是要看數字的大人，即使在離開人間大地後，到處飄浮閃閃，也還不能覺悟那事實的真相。
小王子！你說過那種人不就是朵蘑菇吧？
「他從來沒有聞過一朵花，從來沒有看過一顆星星。他什麼人也沒有喜歡過。除了加減算帳以外，他什麼事也沒做過。他整天老是同你說，『我有正經事，我是個善良的人。』這使他驕傲得很。他簡直不像是個人，他是個蘑菇。」
對！ 如同你從狐狸那兒得到的祕密，最重要的東西用眼睛是看不到的。想要看清楚就要用心去看。事實上，我們用眼睛只能看到冰山一角，只有用心去感受才能看到 更寬闊、更廣大的世界。但是大人是這樣的嗎？單憑出現在眼前的，才算看到。他們是睜眼瞎子。對於現代人來說，努力去看那肉眼看不到的世界的智慧，是不中用 的話。
◎無所有
「我是貧窮的托缽僧。我有的是紡織車、教養院的飯缽、羊奶罐、六條老舊的毯子、毛巾及再普通不過的板凳，就這些而已。」
這是甘地一九三一年九月，前往在倫敦舉行的第二屆圓桌會議途中，對馬賽海關申報攜帶物品時所說的話。讀到《甘地語錄》中的這句話時，我感到非常慚愧。那是為自己擁有太多東西而感到慚愧。至少以我目前的本分，確是那樣。
事實上，當人來到這世上時，什麼東西也沒帶來，活到名字消失、離開人世時，也是空手離開。在活著的過程中，我們有了許多所謂生活上的必需品。不過這些都是一定需要的物品嗎？仔細想一想，不一定要的東西還真不少。
我們雖因需要而擁有物品，但有時也因那些東西帶來不少牽掛。所以擁有什麼，相對的就會為它所束縛。原來因為需要而擁有的，到後來主客顛倒，反而因此失去自由。或許，因為比別人擁有更多而炫耀，但炫耀多少，同時也得承受多少束縛折磨。
到 去年夏天之前，我非常用心和費心地養了兩盆蘭花。三年前遷移到茶來軒時，一位法師送來蘭花，成為房間內除了我以外的生命體。為了照顧這同居的小傢伙，我 特地買了養蘭的書來看，為了它的健康，除了給它好的肥料，夏天還移到涼快沒有日曬的地方，冬天則把房間內的暖氣調降到低溫。
如果把這樣的心思用在照料父母，恐怕早就成為孝子。像這樣百般地關愛它，也是有些回報。早春時，淡雅的花香，含苞待放淺色的花朵，清新如上弦月的葉片，讓人期待，也獲得茶來軒客人的讚賞喜愛。
直到去年夏天的某一天，我因要去奉先寺拜訪耘虛和尚，外出途中，原來籠罩在雨季中陰沉的天空，突然露出晴朗的陽光，樹林里流竄出的蟬鳴聲，此起彼落地與溪谷潺潺的流水聲唱和著。啊呀！想起蘭花不放在外面的庭院嗎？此時忽然怪起眼前久未露面的難得燦爛陽光。
一想到蘭花可能會被熾熱陽光曬到萎縮的光景，顧不得一切，慌慌張張地折回了住處，果不出所料，蘭花已經奄奄一息。心中有說不出的惋惜，趕快給它澆水，不久總算恢復原狀，不過，似乎沒有了原有的元氣。
那時，我才深切領悟到執著的難受。沒錯，我對蘭花太執念了。為了養蘭，不但無法外出行腳，有事外出時還得記得把窗門打開，讓空氣流通切換，因為花盆擺在外面，也不只跑回家兩、三次，這一切真是過度的執著。我決定趕快放下這執著。
幾天以後，我把它送給一位如蘭花般沉靜的訪友。我終於脫離了束縛，雖說有三年共處的情感，但是如釋重負的解脫勝過心中的不捨與失落。真是愉快的解脫！
或許是透過蘭花讓我領悟到無所有的意義，從那天起，我決定實踐每天捨棄一樣東西。
人類的歷史彷彿就像一部所有史。為了讓自己擁有更多而不停地戰鬥。佔有的慾望是永無止盡、永無休止的，哪怕是多一件就好的心理，也會讓這種佔有不斷充斥腦海。不僅不能滿足對物品的佔有，連人也要佔為己有。若不能得到滿足，甚至會不擇手段，強行自別人手中搶來。
佔 有慾與利害成正比例。不但個人如此，國家與國家也是如此。昨天還是友邦，今天卻動武，曾經大興干戈卻互派親善大使，這種例子不知看過多少。這些都是在 「佔有」的基礎上，有著利害關係。如果人類歷史從佔有變成無所有，那麼世上應該就沒有戰爭。從來沒聽過沒有戰利品代價的戰爭吧？
甘地曾經說過，「對我來說，擁有讓人想到的就是犯罪……。」
你想擁有的，別人也想，然而，讓所有人都一起擁有幾乎不可能，難怪甘地會因擁有感到罪惡。
因為想佔有會讓我們眼睛矇蔽，所以也從沒想過檢視自己的本分。將來你我都會空手離去，拋下這肉身孤孤單單地走完人生。那麼多東西，奈你有何作用呢？
捨棄的愈多，得到的愈多。這是可以讓因為身外之物而煩惱的人深思的一句話。什麼都沒有的人，其實是擁有世上所有的一切，這正是無所有的另一層意義。
◎沉默的意義
現代真是話多的時代。雖然人嘴巴的功能是要吃也要吐，但再沒有比現今人們為了不吐不快，而更勞心費力了。以前是只有人聚集在一起才能打開話匣子，現在隨著大眾媒體傳播的出現，一個人也能滔滔不絕地聒噪。
我們都有過那樣的經驗，說出那麼多的話，其實只有一、兩句是有用的話。天天從我口中說出的話，在一個人安靜下來回想時，發現絕大部份都是毫無用處的廢話。人本來應該說的是必須要說的「真話」，但實際上，從口中說出的泰半是廢話與謊話，實在令人感到擔憂。
一張嘴不停地說，體內的氣也隨著話往外擴散，致使話尾漸漸變得空虛淺薄。
有時我會想，怎麼樣才算是好朋友呢？首先，相聚在一起時，能意識到時間的存在，不會因在一起的時間感到漫長無趣，反而有「哎呀！怎麼已經……。」的感覺。彼此之間濃厚的情誼，會讓人感覺到時間飛逝得特別快，這是因為與好友相距於時間與空間之外。
其次，又怎麼樣才可以看出是好朋友呢？不錯！好朋友就是即便不說話，也不會感到無聊或尷尬。不需開口出聲，也能默默傳情。差別在沒自口中發出聲音而已，字字珠璣，從沉默當中已不斷閃爍而過。到達那境地，是時間與空間所無法左右的。
話經常伴隨誤解而來。一句相同概念的話，會造成不解和誤會，都是因為彼此不了解藏在話語背後的意思。母親可以知道正在牙牙學語的孩子說什麼，與其是聽懂他發出的聲音，不如說是豎起耳朵用心去聆聽。
這種母愛在沉默當中傳達。
不能吞下沉默的話語，那與噪音無異。從不經大腦思考、信口開河而出的話中，我們可以知道噪音與話之間的界限。今日我們的社會，不論身分地位高低，從口中說出的話會趨向淺薄鄙俗的現象，證明了人內心的空虛。這是因為人們不從內心接受沉默的觀照。
同時，急躁的現代人不知如何使用自己的語言。毫無抵抗地接受來自當權者、明星、歌手、諧星等人的言語，且如出一口的模仿。所以腦袋變得空洞，被奪走自己原有的語言。
語言的極限是沉默
修行者的寡言與沉默被視為一種美德，正是因為其中是參話頭的所在。透過默想我們聽到聚合在內心的聲音，這種內心的聲音如同還未經過編輯的經書。讀經的真正意義不也就是要與經書一起生活，去讀懂那還未成為鉛字的語言嗎？
我有一卷經
不因紙墨成
展開無一字
常放大光明
這是佛經裡的話。這話的意思是，日常中人們慣於只透過眼視、耳聞、手觸等感官動作，意識事物的存在。但實際上如沉默一般，會有視而不見、聽而不聞的時候。所以人要跳脫自我中心的既有觀念，懷著坦誠虛心，才能常放大光明。
語言是人們傳達意思的工具，有時也會有反作用的機能出現。「口是禍門」意指禍從口出，這句話是對「話」反作用的指責。
紀伯倫曾謂，我們該說的話是「用聲音之中的聲音，在耳中之耳。」事實上語言的極限說是言語，不如說是一種沉默。喜極無言，人在極度感動時是說不出話來的。但人們通常仍是照說自己愛說的，且認為非說不可。
也 有該說卻死守沉默的人。那不是美德，而是一種卑怯的迴避。那種沉默有時形同犯罪，沒有勇氣面對正義與真理的沉默是卑怯的逃避。卑怯的迴避只會讓我們的社 會蒙受污點。沉默的意義是為了去除贅語與廢話，說出正正當當有用的話，不是死守膽怯的沉默。它讓人們不管在哪兒，都可以無距離感地暢談，而這些話語也連接 貫通了你我光明的大道。這也是修行者修練沉默的意義。
--
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Asian Pianists
===
The Keyboard Trade
By DANIEL J. WAKIN
The NY Times
August 14, 2005
The classical piano talent bubbling out of China is no
longer a secret. Witness Lang Lang and Yundi Li, emerging
stars with big careers. So it may be no surprise that the
winner of the Cleveland International Piano Competition on
Aug. 6 was the Chinese pianist Chu-Fang Huang, 23, or that
Ms. Huang was a finalist at this year's Van Cliburn
competition, along with Sa Chen, 25, also of China, who won
third prize. More revealing, perhaps, was that 8 of the 35
competitors in the Cliburn were from China, the most of any
country.
And more: 10 of the 25 students of Veda Kaplinsky,
chairwoman of Juilliard School's piano department, are
Chinese.
Gary Graffman, president of the Curtis Institute of Music in
Philadelphia, had three students, all Chinese, last year.
One, Yuja Wang, is already managed by International Creative
Management.
Mr. Graffman said: "You have 1.3 billion people in China. It
seems like they are all starting piano or violin. It's a
little like the Jews of Eastern Europe." For them in the
past, he said, music careers were a way out of the ghetto;
similarly, many Chinese families in the growing middle class
see music as a ticket to the West, he said.
Why the explosion of Chinese talent? "The main answer seems
to be the kind of discipline the parents instill in their
kids and the degree of importance they attach to classical
music, which is pretty much nonexistent in this country,"
Ms. Kaplinsky said. "Perhaps it's the result of being
forbidden fruit for so long." She also noted the immense
community and government support.
Long hours of practice also give Chinese pianists a boost in
competitions, where the stress is intense. "When you put
them under pressure," Ms. Kaplinsky said, "they hold up
better than most people do."
[ Cliburn competition monitors will remember
Vera Kaplinsky's influence there. ]
=== End of article ===
Now, is that all? A ticket to the west? A chase after a long forbidden fruit? How about simply the love for music? With the globalization, really, western traditional music will not be the dominating or the so call higher class performing art form. Many cultures, including Chinese, has their own ancient highly developed music. The different sound of the world will take over the domination of the traditional western music. In fact, personally, I love Chinese instruments, Chinese Opera, and many other form of Chinese Arts, in fact, I would probably have a much better time pursuing that than trying to stay in the traditional Western Classical music business, yet, why do I keep trying no matter how hard it is? Because I love it. As simple as that. So, don't make any statements like that before you really understand why we do it. It is degrading the Western Music. If I want a ticket to the west long ago, I would listen to my parents, discontinue the piano playing, and go get my degree in either computer science, double E, medical, bio/tech research or even accounting. Those will really give me the ticket into great school with full scholarship, rather than working so hard to compete with many pianists (especially the fellow Asians) for so little amount of scholarship fund. So, please, don't be such a hypocrite. That really makes me mad!!!!
The Keyboard Trade
By DANIEL J. WAKIN
The NY Times
August 14, 2005
The classical piano talent bubbling out of China is no
longer a secret. Witness Lang Lang and Yundi Li, emerging
stars with big careers. So it may be no surprise that the
winner of the Cleveland International Piano Competition on
Aug. 6 was the Chinese pianist Chu-Fang Huang, 23, or that
Ms. Huang was a finalist at this year's Van Cliburn
competition, along with Sa Chen, 25, also of China, who won
third prize. More revealing, perhaps, was that 8 of the 35
competitors in the Cliburn were from China, the most of any
country.
And more: 10 of the 25 students of Veda Kaplinsky,
chairwoman of Juilliard School's piano department, are
Chinese.
Gary Graffman, president of the Curtis Institute of Music in
Philadelphia, had three students, all Chinese, last year.
One, Yuja Wang, is already managed by International Creative
Management.
Mr. Graffman said: "You have 1.3 billion people in China. It
seems like they are all starting piano or violin. It's a
little like the Jews of Eastern Europe." For them in the
past, he said, music careers were a way out of the ghetto;
similarly, many Chinese families in the growing middle class
see music as a ticket to the West, he said.
Why the explosion of Chinese talent? "The main answer seems
to be the kind of discipline the parents instill in their
kids and the degree of importance they attach to classical
music, which is pretty much nonexistent in this country,"
Ms. Kaplinsky said. "Perhaps it's the result of being
forbidden fruit for so long." She also noted the immense
community and government support.
Long hours of practice also give Chinese pianists a boost in
competitions, where the stress is intense. "When you put
them under pressure," Ms. Kaplinsky said, "they hold up
better than most people do."
[ Cliburn competition monitors will remember
Vera Kaplinsky's influence there. ]
=== End of article ===
Now, is that all? A ticket to the west? A chase after a long forbidden fruit? How about simply the love for music? With the globalization, really, western traditional music will not be the dominating or the so call higher class performing art form. Many cultures, including Chinese, has their own ancient highly developed music. The different sound of the world will take over the domination of the traditional western music. In fact, personally, I love Chinese instruments, Chinese Opera, and many other form of Chinese Arts, in fact, I would probably have a much better time pursuing that than trying to stay in the traditional Western Classical music business, yet, why do I keep trying no matter how hard it is? Because I love it. As simple as that. So, don't make any statements like that before you really understand why we do it. It is degrading the Western Music. If I want a ticket to the west long ago, I would listen to my parents, discontinue the piano playing, and go get my degree in either computer science, double E, medical, bio/tech research or even accounting. Those will really give me the ticket into great school with full scholarship, rather than working so hard to compete with many pianists (especially the fellow Asians) for so little amount of scholarship fund. So, please, don't be such a hypocrite. That really makes me mad!!!!
Evil Trucks
Have you noticed how recently many truck drivers have been driving like maniacs on highways? Many of them are speeding, passing in and out of lanes like they own the road. Just yesterday, there were 2 major truck related accidents we encountered in less than an hour. First one involved an over-turned truck that carried some soil like substance on I-15 in PA. Luckily, there was at least one lane open for cars to pass. The other one actually happened on I-270 South bound, which involved a trailor-truck and a pick-up truck. The trailor-truck was totally burned to ashes, and was blocking all lanes of the highway. The pick-up truck driver was flown to the hospital in critical condition. Because of that, one life might have been lost, and also, lots of people were stuck at the same spot for hours! We personally were so close to the accident scene that we were stopped there at 7:50pm before the police cars and ambulances even got there(having to witness the horrible flame and black smoke), and only start moving because they finally could open up right shoulder for cars to get by at 11 pm. We were there for 3 hours (just 20 minutes away from my sweet home, between exits)!!! We did not have dinner, could not go to the bathroom, tired from teaching whole day...
Anyway, the number of trucks traveling on highway are increasing at an incredible rate, and with the size of most trailor trucks (and many of them do carry hazardous substance), one would think they will drive more carefully, but no, they think they can drive like they own the highway. The number of accidents caused by these drivers are increasing at unbelievable speed. There were supposed to be another trailor-truck related accident this morning again on either I-495 or I-95, which again held up the traffic for hours. Maybe there should be a tougher traffic law specifically for trailor trucks? I know they are not supposed to drive on the far left lane, however, many of them do anyway. Shouldn't they obey the speed limit? I know people drive faster than the speed limit, but hey, with what they are carrying and the size of their vehicle, they have no business of driving 80 mph period!!!!
Anyway, just my observation. Life is precious, making good time is not as important than staying safe and alive. Drive Safely!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, the number of trucks traveling on highway are increasing at an incredible rate, and with the size of most trailor trucks (and many of them do carry hazardous substance), one would think they will drive more carefully, but no, they think they can drive like they own the highway. The number of accidents caused by these drivers are increasing at unbelievable speed. There were supposed to be another trailor-truck related accident this morning again on either I-495 or I-95, which again held up the traffic for hours. Maybe there should be a tougher traffic law specifically for trailor trucks? I know they are not supposed to drive on the far left lane, however, many of them do anyway. Shouldn't they obey the speed limit? I know people drive faster than the speed limit, but hey, with what they are carrying and the size of their vehicle, they have no business of driving 80 mph period!!!!
Anyway, just my observation. Life is precious, making good time is not as important than staying safe and alive. Drive Safely!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Crabbing and Fishing
A beautiful and peaceful dayAfter dropping Yi-Ann & Rose off at the Dullus Airport, I went straight to meet Rob at the Park & Ride off I-424 Davidsonville Rd around 7:30am.
Rob's beautiful boat!The goal was to go crabbing today. There was weather advisory for severely hot weather, but we were really lucky to not have that until around 1 pm. Since this is my first time crabbing, I had been anticipating with excitement for a few days already. The whole experience was great. The amount of work one needs to put into it was huge. However, it had a calming effect on me. Once you started the whole process, all you can think about was to get to the next trap, and to check whether there was any unfortunate crab trapped in it. Rob was doing most of the physical work though ... Putting out the traps (with chickens in them), checking the traps, while I was navigating the boat. Now, navigating the boat is no easy task for me. Since there are factors like the wind, the water current, the motor of the boat, etc, I find it really hard to keep the boat in straight line, let along controlling where exactly it needed to be for us to check the traps. There was this funny crab which after we released it, kept coming back to the same trap. I thought it was a extremely stupid crab, however Rob thought otherwise. He thought the crab is actually smart. It knew that it is undersized, and we would not take it home, so, why not keep coming back to finish the chicken meal we prepared for it?! After the first session of crabbing, Rob decided to take me fishing. This was a first for me also. It is not easy to do what one needs to do with relaxed hands while fishing. It took me several tries to get the movement right. I did have beginner's luck though. I caught a beautiful Rockfish. Of course I thought that was the most beautiful one ever existed. ^_^ I was happy to let it go back to where it came from though. After our fishing break, we went back to finish our job. The result was not bad at all. We probably let go of about 25 to 30 undersize crabs, and kept about 40. Of course, all 40 of them turn into our dinner tonight. Peter and Fiona were both impressed with the work we did.
Result of the day of crabbing - Maryland Blue Crabs - about 40 of them in total
The Crab Feast was held at Rob & Fiona's place. We also got corn, potato, beer, & champagne to accompanying our crabs. The crabs were steamed with traditional Maryland Crab recipe (with beer, vinegar, water & old bay seasoning). It was the best crab dinner I ever had. They were fat and juicy, the meat was sweet. It was excellent!
Monday, August 15, 2005
Collections of the day
Here I am again, sitting in my studio and browsing the web. Last week ended really well with the lighthearted movie "Hitch". It is a movie for you if you want to just relax and have a little laugh at the end of a tired week.
Here are some of my collections from today's web-browsing:
__________________________________________________________
Free Culture by Professor Lawrence Lessig of Stanford Law School
-I have not yet finalized my thoughts on this matter yet!
__________________________________________________________
Here are some of my collections from today's web-browsing:
__________________________________________________________
Free Culture by Professor Lawrence Lessig of Stanford Law School
-I have not yet finalized my thoughts on this matter yet!
__________________________________________________________
On the photo - Schostakovich as a fireman in 1941's Leningrad
http://www.borodulincollection.com/war/leningrad_blocked_images/9.htm (source)
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Daily SuDoku
The SuDoKu puzzle:
The object is to insert the numbers in the boxes to satisfy only one condition: each row, column and 3x3 box must contain the digits 1 through 9 exactly once. What could be simpler?
Enjoy!
The object is to insert the numbers in the boxes to satisfy only one condition: each row, column and 3x3 box must contain the digits 1 through 9 exactly once. What could be simpler?
Enjoy!
Saturday, August 13, 2005
A day off
Finally, a day that I can relax at home. Even though I have to drive to PA tomorrow again for another concert, yet a day is plenty to get my lost energy back. I woke up early so I can drop off my cousin, Yi-An, and her friend for their 4 days 3 nights East-America Tour.
With all the horrific driving experiences I have gone through for the past week, I thought I would copy paste part of this forwarded e-mail here. I think they are funny, however sadly true in most cases:
___________________________________________
*you must learn to call it by its rightful name. It is D.C., or
"the District." Only tourists call it Washington.
*There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in D.C. It's
just another chase, usually on the BW Parkway.
*All directions start with "The Beltway"...which has no beginning and
no end, just one continuous loop that locals believe is somehow clarified
by an 'inner' and 'outer loop' designation. This makes no sense to
ANYONE outside the Beltway.
*The morning rush hour is from 5 to 11 AM. The evening rush hour is
from 1 to 8 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning, especially
during the summer on Route 50 eastbound.
*Rain causes an immediate 50 point drop of IQ in drivers.
*Snow causes an immediate 100 point drop in IQ and a rush to the Giant
for toilet paper and milk.
*Don't forget that if your destination is only a mile away, it will
take at least 30 minutes to get there due to traffic congestion: the idiot in
the BMW SUV who thinks he has to conduct a conference call to negotiate
world peace while swerving all over the world, the scores of newcomers
who decide to cross the road when there's a mass of cars coming at them
going 80 mph, thus causing everyone to slam on their brakes which leads
to an accident, and the sadistic people who have to stare at the fender
bender.
*All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in
Takoma Park."
*If someone actually has their turn signal on, they are, by definition,
a tourist.
*Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators. Heed the warning.
*All old ladies in Buicks have the right of way in the area of Leisure
World.
*Many roads mysteriously change their names as you cross intersections.
Don't ask why, no one knows.
*A taxi ride across town will cost you $12.50. A taxi ride two blocks
will cost you $16.75 (It's a zone thing, you wouldn't understand.)
*Traveling south out of DC on Interstate 395/295/95 is the most
dangerous, scariest thing you will ever do. There is nothing more
comforting than seven lanes of traffic cruising along at 85 mph, BUMPER
TO BUMPER!!!
*The minimum acceptable speed on the Beltway is 85. Anything less is
considered downright sissy.
*The open lane for passing on all Maryland interstates is the far right
lane because no self-respecting Marylander would ever be caught driving
in the "slow" lane. Unofficially, both shoulders are fair game also.
*The far left lanes on all Maryland interstates are official "chat"
lanes reserved for drivers who wish to talk on their cell phones. Note: All
mini-vans and SUVs have priority clearance to use the far left at
whatever speed the driver feels most comfortable multi-tasking in.
*If the humidity is 90+ and the temperature is 90+, then it's May,
June, July, August, September, and sometimes October.
*Always remember this little rule on the Metro: Stand right, walk
left. People WILL knock you down the Metro escalator and shout nasty things.
*A handy-dandy tip when bar-hopping: Unless you're on a first-name
basis with the President, Condy Rice, certain Senators or
Representatives, or Donald Rumsfield...you get the idea...no one cares
about you or your life story.
*DC'ers are busy, important people who only want to talk to
other busy, important people. We are not friendly folks looking to meet new
like minded people; we only want to know what you can do for us...
otherwise, get out of the way and stop boring us.
___________________________________________
With all the horrific driving experiences I have gone through for the past week, I thought I would copy paste part of this forwarded e-mail here. I think they are funny, however sadly true in most cases:
___________________________________________
*you must learn to call it by its rightful name. It is D.C., or
"the District." Only tourists call it Washington.
*There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in D.C. It's
just another chase, usually on the BW Parkway.
*All directions start with "The Beltway"...which has no beginning and
no end, just one continuous loop that locals believe is somehow clarified
by an 'inner' and 'outer loop' designation. This makes no sense to
ANYONE outside the Beltway.
*The morning rush hour is from 5 to 11 AM. The evening rush hour is
from 1 to 8 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning, especially
during the summer on Route 50 eastbound.
*Rain causes an immediate 50 point drop of IQ in drivers.
*Snow causes an immediate 100 point drop in IQ and a rush to the Giant
for toilet paper and milk.
*Don't forget that if your destination is only a mile away, it will
take at least 30 minutes to get there due to traffic congestion: the idiot in
the BMW SUV who thinks he has to conduct a conference call to negotiate
world peace while swerving all over the world, the scores of newcomers
who decide to cross the road when there's a mass of cars coming at them
going 80 mph, thus causing everyone to slam on their brakes which leads
to an accident, and the sadistic people who have to stare at the fender
bender.
*All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in
Takoma Park."
*If someone actually has their turn signal on, they are, by definition,
a tourist.
*Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators. Heed the warning.
*All old ladies in Buicks have the right of way in the area of Leisure
World.
*Many roads mysteriously change their names as you cross intersections.
Don't ask why, no one knows.
*A taxi ride across town will cost you $12.50. A taxi ride two blocks
will cost you $16.75 (It's a zone thing, you wouldn't understand.)
*Traveling south out of DC on Interstate 395/295/95 is the most
dangerous, scariest thing you will ever do. There is nothing more
comforting than seven lanes of traffic cruising along at 85 mph, BUMPER
TO BUMPER!!!
*The minimum acceptable speed on the Beltway is 85. Anything less is
considered downright sissy.
*The open lane for passing on all Maryland interstates is the far right
lane because no self-respecting Marylander would ever be caught driving
in the "slow" lane. Unofficially, both shoulders are fair game also.
*The far left lanes on all Maryland interstates are official "chat"
lanes reserved for drivers who wish to talk on their cell phones. Note: All
mini-vans and SUVs have priority clearance to use the far left at
whatever speed the driver feels most comfortable multi-tasking in.
*If the humidity is 90+ and the temperature is 90+, then it's May,
June, July, August, September, and sometimes October.
*Always remember this little rule on the Metro: Stand right, walk
left. People WILL knock you down the Metro escalator and shout nasty things.
*A handy-dandy tip when bar-hopping: Unless you're on a first-name
basis with the President, Condy Rice, certain Senators or
Representatives, or Donald Rumsfield...you get the idea...no one cares
about you or your life story.
*DC'ers are busy, important people who only want to talk to
other busy, important people. We are not friendly folks looking to meet new
like minded people; we only want to know what you can do for us...
otherwise, get out of the way and stop boring us.
___________________________________________
Well, I am off to the kitchen. I think I will bake some muffins and a bannana cake, then I can start to prepare for the dinner. ^_^ Nice for a change!
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
A strange, horrible, yet indelible and lucky day
Yesterday was a strange, horrible, yet a indelible and lucky day for me. It all started from the drive to concert in PA. Traffic was of course not good, but bearable for a Monday early afternoon with rain. As I was concentrating on drive since I-95 North was pack with cars, a motorcyclist, or a death chaser, suddenly appeared from nowhere in unbelievably high speed (probably about 100mph) going in and out and between all cars. Now, we are talking about a packed highway, with slow moving traffic. That was dangerous, an accident I was happy to miss! We (with my trio members) got to the performance site. We started getting ready, warming up as usual before concert. First sign of possible distress for concert.... thick carpeting... wall to wall. That makes the acoustic dry and dull, not very good for any program, especially with Brahms Piano Trio in C minor, and Smetna Piano Trio in G minor... Well, I said to myself, just deal with it, and it will be fine. Then, I discovered that, the piano cover (for the keyboard area) was extremely loose... In fact, it was so loose that during the performance, it was threatening to slam on my hands a few times. Well, again, I informed the trio members my problems, and told myself that just deal with it. While worrying about being hit by a piano cover, and trying to deliver the music at the same time, of course, the audience members were having a wonderful chat time. One often wonders why they pick the silence as the perfect opportunity for them to speak... Don't they get embarrassed? The clapping between the movements usually don't bother me as much, however, it really did bother me this time, because it was like auto-pilot. No meaning what so ever... Of course they were some audience members whom were deeply involved with music, and appeared to be tearing, yet, the noisy ones totally ruined other people's right to experience the music. Well, that is just normal ordeal that we encounter as performers, so, yes, just deal with it. However, the nightmare was not finished yet. After the concert, we started driving home. The weather was getting ugly, but not too bad. So, we were having our regular after concert chat in the car. I was driving with caution... Especially since the traffic has been bad the whole day. At an intersection, after the light for my direction turned green, as usually, I made sure the other traffic had totally stopped, then started driving.Then in a split second, a car from the right flew out at top speed turning into my lane...Now, I don't know how to describe this, but this young man with his girl friend must be either drunk or trying to commit suicide, if I did not swing to the left side a bit and stop instantly, and if the car next to me did not slam the break, this stupid kid would hit my car head on, and the car next to me would hit him head on, and we would all be dead. Due to the shock and the reaction I took, my muscle contracted viciously at the moment, and of course it cramped like never before for full hour, maybe even more. I have never felt such pain where my tears were coming down because of it. Pain reliever really did not help for at least half an hour. I don't wish people ill luck, but really, this stupid young man has made me wish him a horrible night. I hope he had learned his lesson, if not... He is going to one day make a big mess that will cost pain for not just his family, but others also. As if that is not enough, we finally got home with me looking like a ghost, and feeling like a stone, my husband informed me right before going to bed that he spotted a little mouse in our house.... AHHHHHHHHHHH That totally did it. There is no way a mouse can be in this house. It is clean, and not old, and we have a CAT!!! I can only think that it must of sneaked either this morning when we left the door open for a short while to get the carpet out to the trash car, or while my brother went out for a smoke, and left the door open a bit too long. Well, that was my yesterday....
At least now, I am happy to inform you all that my cat has done its duty gloriously probably during the night. He has killed the mouse... From the look of the site, he might have tortured the poor little thing before killing it. He has the look of triumph this morning as he watched me cleaning up the site. As far as the concert went, we (my husband and I) listened to the recording from it, and declared that the noisy audience and the finger slamming piano cover did not effect the concert much after all. I had just purchased a set of accent pillows for my husband's teaching room at home which we re-furnished this passed weekend (he has not yet see them yet, and now sitting in my studio in school waiting for him to join me for lunch as soon as he finish his first teaching part of the day. My upper body is still like a stone, and it aches horribly, but hey, I am still alive and well. Let the horrible day be a reminder for myself to continue to drive safely, and to watch out for stupid drivers MORE, and to enjoy my life FULLY!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At least now, I am happy to inform you all that my cat has done its duty gloriously probably during the night. He has killed the mouse... From the look of the site, he might have tortured the poor little thing before killing it. He has the look of triumph this morning as he watched me cleaning up the site. As far as the concert went, we (my husband and I) listened to the recording from it, and declared that the noisy audience and the finger slamming piano cover did not effect the concert much after all. I had just purchased a set of accent pillows for my husband's teaching room at home which we re-furnished this passed weekend (he has not yet see them yet, and now sitting in my studio in school waiting for him to join me for lunch as soon as he finish his first teaching part of the day. My upper body is still like a stone, and it aches horribly, but hey, I am still alive and well. Let the horrible day be a reminder for myself to continue to drive safely, and to watch out for stupid drivers MORE, and to enjoy my life FULLY!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is the result I got from the personality test:
 You are happy, driven, and status conscious. You want everyone to know how successful you are. Very logical, you see life as a game of strategy. A bit of a loner, you prefer to depend on yourself. You always keep your cool and your composure. You are a born leader and business person. |
Thursday, August 04, 2005
The Moonstone
I have finished reading "The Moonstone" by Wilkie Collins. What a great read. I have read many western classics in Chinese when I was younger. I have the luxury to reread them now in English. Very different experience.
By the way, Beethoven Emperor with Shippensburg Festival Orchestra (July 23rd) went ok. Unfortunately the first bassoon player and a few other orchestra players were caught in the traffic, that I had to play without some important orchestra parts. People seem to receive the whole experience warmly.
Mom & Dad had a great stay here for the past 2 weeks. Good food, lots of talk (which is rare for my family tradition), chaotic though. Little cousin, Ann, and her friend are here for summer English intensive course at the Georgetown University. I do have to say, do kids now a day only like Shopping??!!! Nothing else seems to drawn their attention. It is a strange world for me!
By the way, Beethoven Emperor with Shippensburg Festival Orchestra (July 23rd) went ok. Unfortunately the first bassoon player and a few other orchestra players were caught in the traffic, that I had to play without some important orchestra parts. People seem to receive the whole experience warmly.
Mom & Dad had a great stay here for the past 2 weeks. Good food, lots of talk (which is rare for my family tradition), chaotic though. Little cousin, Ann, and her friend are here for summer English intensive course at the Georgetown University. I do have to say, do kids now a day only like Shopping??!!! Nothing else seems to drawn their attention. It is a strange world for me!
Monday, July 18, 2005
Harry Potter
Finished the 6th book. It seems like a transitional book. I really like it though, a very emotional read.
Saturday, July 16, 2005
The day after my birthday
I am officially 31 years of age. Since I had a hard working day yesterday, we are going to enjoy today. Started the day with buying food, getting cake, and dropping our car for maintenance. We also got a stuffed animal without the stuff inside for Totoro. I always wonder how does she know it is a toy for her since it does not have a special smell to attract her nose like the food.
Much better practicing session with the Beethoven 5th. Now it sounds like a piece. The range of emotions contains in this concerto is so huge, I hope I can deliver as many as I can on Thursday. I am also very curious how the orchestra is like, hopefully it is not going to drag like most of the other orchestras now. Decided not to practice the Brahms C minor trio today. Peter's students are coming anyway.
Ms. Schein & Mr. Carlyss got me beautiful roses for my birthday. I am so touched and grateful. Flowers make me smile... They are just so simply beautiful with no pretentiousness.
Tried to call Ms. Schein & Mr. Carlyss in Aspen to thank them. Talked to Mr. Carlyss briefly, but missed Ms. Schein both times. Still feeling extremely anxious talking on the phone. My heart is still pounding like crazy. When am I ever going to get over this stupid phobia?
Picking up mom and Yi-An at the airport today. Wonder what Yi-an's friend is like. We will see. Wine, cheese, sausage, salmon, and cake are on the menu today!
By the way, when am I getting my Harry Potter copy?! It is supposed to be here today around now!
Much better practicing session with the Beethoven 5th. Now it sounds like a piece. The range of emotions contains in this concerto is so huge, I hope I can deliver as many as I can on Thursday. I am also very curious how the orchestra is like, hopefully it is not going to drag like most of the other orchestras now. Decided not to practice the Brahms C minor trio today. Peter's students are coming anyway.
Ms. Schein & Mr. Carlyss got me beautiful roses for my birthday. I am so touched and grateful. Flowers make me smile... They are just so simply beautiful with no pretentiousness.
Tried to call Ms. Schein & Mr. Carlyss in Aspen to thank them. Talked to Mr. Carlyss briefly, but missed Ms. Schein both times. Still feeling extremely anxious talking on the phone. My heart is still pounding like crazy. When am I ever going to get over this stupid phobia?
Picking up mom and Yi-An at the airport today. Wonder what Yi-an's friend is like. We will see. Wine, cheese, sausage, salmon, and cake are on the menu today!
By the way, when am I getting my Harry Potter copy?! It is supposed to be here today around now!
Friday, July 15, 2005
Today
Today is my birthday, well, 3 more minutes left of it at least. Received gorgeous flowers from Peter, combination of yellow roses and blue orchids and other blue flowers that I don't know the name of.
Had a not so productive practicing of Beethoven Emperor. Had a horrible drive down to St. Mary's (bad weather, bad traffic and many inconsiderate people!). Great conversations with Peter. Horrible Shostakovich 9th, totally missing the point. Classical music is loosing audience because majority (NOT ALL!) of musicians don't care about the product. They only care about fame and Name. In today's world, you are considered to be a good professional musician by status only, not by the product. As long as you know how to advertise yourself, you get a share in the market. It works for most of the business, but it should not be the case for arts (all forms)& culture!
Started to read "Lies, A Diary 1986-1999" by Ned Rorem.
Here are some interesting quotes and my thoughts on them:
"poulenc never penned an original note: every measure can be traced to Chopin, or Mussorgsky, or Ravel, or Stravinsky, or even Faure whom he reviled. Yet every measure can be instantly identified as sheer Poulenc, by that mad touch of personal chutzpah that no critic can define."
My thought: Artistic personality cannot shine without a channel for it to shine through. In music, understanding of tradition of musical language and various style does not chain one's artistry and personality, on the contrary, it enhances and ensures the projection of one's expression. Unfortunately, many musicians and artists think being artistic or have individuality means being disconnected to the past.
"True, music is not a universal language but an attitude, of one consciousness and of one environment, which does not easily slip past the customs inspector. We are not all the same - it is difference, not increasing similarity, which lends Earth's dwellers their beauty, wisdom, mystery, and, indeed, their identity. but if this identity is never fully grasped by a dweller from another environment, sometimes it can be sensed, appreciated, and even loved, especially if the identity lies in works of art. (Art has little to do with understanding anyway, but with feeling.)"
"Janacek and Busoni: two more underrated composers who are overrated. It's hard to get the point of them. But then, I don't get the point of Berlioz either, or of Bruckner."
"Critics sometimes say, about this or that new work - it should be taken up by all our major orchestras and recorded. It never is. Critics have great power, but they have no power."
"... with a taboo against using twice any phrase used only once by the poet. For a composer to repeat words in a sung version of a sonnet is to repeat the punch line of a joke."
"What models, those six quartets! After them, all others seem superfluous. (Carter revived the genre, and Diamond and Milhaud.) Yet, although whenever I hear it I am filled with admiration, Bartok's music as a whole is a music I never think about when it's not around. It's impeccable, it's theatrical, it's even great. It dazzles, thrills, horrifies, sometimes irritates, but also moves me. But I'm not touched by it, as by, for instance, the outset of the quartet by Ravel - Ravel, supposed to be icy, formal, above all that. The notion that French music is objective, nose-thumbing, brittle, anti-romantic, is a notion I've never grasped. French music makes me cry."
"Apropos fees, when I announce to JH that the Chicago Symphony is feeling me out for their hundredth anniversary in 1990-91 and might pay up to forty thousand for a thirty-minute piece, he says he's just read the Perlman's fee for one concert is forty thousand. Their hundredth anniversary? Like yesterday I recall the season of their fiftieth in 1940 when we heard Milhaud conduct his First Symphony and play his piano Concerto. And Chavez's Concerto for Four Horns, and Stravinsky's Symphony in C, and..."
My thoughts: That kind of fee is outrageous! Also, no wonder symphony orchestras are sounding the way they are now, most of the conductors are not composers, they are not even good musicians/artists in their own right! One without the knowledge cannot lead. They are also way overpaid!
"Your life is your life, and I would not presume to tell you how to lead it except insofar as it intersects with my life...."
My thought: In a truly free society, one needs to have the obligation not to interfere with other's freedom while acquiring one's own freedom.
"Stalin: One death is a tragedy. A thousand is a statistic."
My thought: HOW SAD!!! And HOW TRUE in our society.
"Pretty girl on 68th Street chewing bubble gum like a hemorrhoid twist her lips."
"Elliott Carter's new quartet, unrelentingly chaotic, leaves nothing to listen for. When all is chaos, nothing is chaos."
It has been a interesting and emotionally turbulent day for me. That is what life is about, I am lucky I can experience all that in a day!
To be continued...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thank you, Peter, my husband, and my best friend for sharing your life with me. Love you!
Mom is coming tomorrow, with Yi-An and her friend. I hope this house will maintain it's peacefulness with all these people in it.
Happy birthday to myself, and thank you mom & dad for bring me to this world.
Had a not so productive practicing of Beethoven Emperor. Had a horrible drive down to St. Mary's (bad weather, bad traffic and many inconsiderate people!). Great conversations with Peter. Horrible Shostakovich 9th, totally missing the point. Classical music is loosing audience because majority (NOT ALL!) of musicians don't care about the product. They only care about fame and Name. In today's world, you are considered to be a good professional musician by status only, not by the product. As long as you know how to advertise yourself, you get a share in the market. It works for most of the business, but it should not be the case for arts (all forms)& culture!
Started to read "Lies, A Diary 1986-1999" by Ned Rorem.
Here are some interesting quotes and my thoughts on them:
"poulenc never penned an original note: every measure can be traced to Chopin, or Mussorgsky, or Ravel, or Stravinsky, or even Faure whom he reviled. Yet every measure can be instantly identified as sheer Poulenc, by that mad touch of personal chutzpah that no critic can define."
My thought: Artistic personality cannot shine without a channel for it to shine through. In music, understanding of tradition of musical language and various style does not chain one's artistry and personality, on the contrary, it enhances and ensures the projection of one's expression. Unfortunately, many musicians and artists think being artistic or have individuality means being disconnected to the past.
"True, music is not a universal language but an attitude, of one consciousness and of one environment, which does not easily slip past the customs inspector. We are not all the same - it is difference, not increasing similarity, which lends Earth's dwellers their beauty, wisdom, mystery, and, indeed, their identity. but if this identity is never fully grasped by a dweller from another environment, sometimes it can be sensed, appreciated, and even loved, especially if the identity lies in works of art. (Art has little to do with understanding anyway, but with feeling.)"
"Janacek and Busoni: two more underrated composers who are overrated. It's hard to get the point of them. But then, I don't get the point of Berlioz either, or of Bruckner."
"Critics sometimes say, about this or that new work - it should be taken up by all our major orchestras and recorded. It never is. Critics have great power, but they have no power."
"... with a taboo against using twice any phrase used only once by the poet. For a composer to repeat words in a sung version of a sonnet is to repeat the punch line of a joke."
"What models, those six quartets! After them, all others seem superfluous. (Carter revived the genre, and Diamond and Milhaud.) Yet, although whenever I hear it I am filled with admiration, Bartok's music as a whole is a music I never think about when it's not around. It's impeccable, it's theatrical, it's even great. It dazzles, thrills, horrifies, sometimes irritates, but also moves me. But I'm not touched by it, as by, for instance, the outset of the quartet by Ravel - Ravel, supposed to be icy, formal, above all that. The notion that French music is objective, nose-thumbing, brittle, anti-romantic, is a notion I've never grasped. French music makes me cry."
"Apropos fees, when I announce to JH that the Chicago Symphony is feeling me out for their hundredth anniversary in 1990-91 and might pay up to forty thousand for a thirty-minute piece, he says he's just read the Perlman's fee for one concert is forty thousand. Their hundredth anniversary? Like yesterday I recall the season of their fiftieth in 1940 when we heard Milhaud conduct his First Symphony and play his piano Concerto. And Chavez's Concerto for Four Horns, and Stravinsky's Symphony in C, and..."
My thoughts: That kind of fee is outrageous! Also, no wonder symphony orchestras are sounding the way they are now, most of the conductors are not composers, they are not even good musicians/artists in their own right! One without the knowledge cannot lead. They are also way overpaid!
"Your life is your life, and I would not presume to tell you how to lead it except insofar as it intersects with my life...."
My thought: In a truly free society, one needs to have the obligation not to interfere with other's freedom while acquiring one's own freedom.
"Stalin: One death is a tragedy. A thousand is a statistic."
My thought: HOW SAD!!! And HOW TRUE in our society.
"Pretty girl on 68th Street chewing bubble gum like a hemorrhoid twist her lips."
"Elliott Carter's new quartet, unrelentingly chaotic, leaves nothing to listen for. When all is chaos, nothing is chaos."
It has been a interesting and emotionally turbulent day for me. That is what life is about, I am lucky I can experience all that in a day!
To be continued...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thank you, Peter, my husband, and my best friend for sharing your life with me. Love you!
Mom is coming tomorrow, with Yi-An and her friend. I hope this house will maintain it's peacefulness with all these people in it.
Happy birthday to myself, and thank you mom & dad for bring me to this world.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Introspection
introspection \in-truh-SPEK-shuhn\, noun:
The act or process of self-examination; contemplation of one's
own thoughts and feelings; a looking inward. (from dictionary.com)
If everyone would spend some time each day on introspection, this world would be filled with much happier and better people. Everyone is quick to point finger to someone else when there is problem or chaos. Really the best thing to do is to check that "Did I do something to contribute to this situation?" If the answer is yes, then the next question should be "What should I do to fix my mistake?" If the answer is no, the next question should be "What can I do to help the situation?" Let's all try that for a week, I guarantee, everyone will have a big smile on their faces.
The act or process of self-examination; contemplation of one's
own thoughts and feelings; a looking inward. (from dictionary.com)
If everyone would spend some time each day on introspection, this world would be filled with much happier and better people. Everyone is quick to point finger to someone else when there is problem or chaos. Really the best thing to do is to check that "Did I do something to contribute to this situation?" If the answer is yes, then the next question should be "What should I do to fix my mistake?" If the answer is no, the next question should be "What can I do to help the situation?" Let's all try that for a week, I guarantee, everyone will have a big smile on their faces.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Doing Nothing
This weekend has been the slowest, the laziest, the most unproductive one yet, it is GREAT! Once in a while, doing nothing and being bored to death is a good thing. Our surrounding is loaded with images, sounds, and personalities, one easily can get lost in the midst of all these. Being able to do nothing (that includes no outing/vacation) insures one to clear everything from the mind. I feel totally refreshed and ready to go for anything as if I am 18 years old all over again. Resting is a necessity for to continue on a longer and more adventurous journey.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Jealousy
What is jealousy? It is a product of Envy.
The desire to be better than the others creates envious feeling. Why are people so prone to competitions? Even if one is not in the competition setting, one puts themselves into that setting to compete with everyone around you on just about anything. Who is skinnier, who looks better, who has better car, who has more savings, who owns more properties, who has a better job, who has a better significant other, who were married first, who is more distinguished, who is more respected,... This list can go on and on with no ending to it.
I guess it is human nature to get jealous at someone else, however, why do friends get jealous to each other? Aren't friends supposed to be supportive to each other? Why can people be happy for the others if they are doing well?
How about adding this phrase before all the why questions - What can I learn from the person who is doing better?! Then one will be busy enough to do something about all the problems rather than spending time feeling jealous.
With more people being born into the society, there are naturally more people competing for a job. One is lucky to be doing what one loves and get paid for it. So just keep working and feel lucky and happy about it! Why not use this environment as a way to push ourselves to get better? As one gets better, one feels better, than there will be no envy of the others. How great is that!
The desire to be better than the others creates envious feeling. Why are people so prone to competitions? Even if one is not in the competition setting, one puts themselves into that setting to compete with everyone around you on just about anything. Who is skinnier, who looks better, who has better car, who has more savings, who owns more properties, who has a better job, who has a better significant other, who were married first, who is more distinguished, who is more respected,... This list can go on and on with no ending to it.
I guess it is human nature to get jealous at someone else, however, why do friends get jealous to each other? Aren't friends supposed to be supportive to each other? Why can people be happy for the others if they are doing well?
How about adding this phrase before all the why questions - What can I learn from the person who is doing better?! Then one will be busy enough to do something about all the problems rather than spending time feeling jealous.
With more people being born into the society, there are naturally more people competing for a job. One is lucky to be doing what one loves and get paid for it. So just keep working and feel lucky and happy about it! Why not use this environment as a way to push ourselves to get better? As one gets better, one feels better, than there will be no envy of the others. How great is that!
Monday, June 13, 2005
Why?!
Inconsideration seems to be the common human trait in the society. People used to call in to cancel an appointment/engagement ahead of a time. Now, people not only cancel last minute, sometimes they just don't show up! They don't even bother to come up with an excuse anymore. Why?!
People are so used to have everything revolve around them. They assume they can change scheduling without consulting others. For example, some people will forget to show up to an appointment, and if you call to ask what is going on, what you might get is, "oh I am so sorry, I am at a doctor appointment, can we reschedule it to 5 pm instead?" Why?! Are you going to compensate the time I wasted on waiting for you? I could have used the time to do other constructive things. Now you want me to reschedule so you can do the same thing all over to me again? Why?! You are sorry? No, you are not. If you are sorry, then you would not do this. Why in the first place you could schedule 2 things at the same time? If you happened to make a mistake of writing it down at the wrong place in your appointment book, that is one thing, if that is not the case, then you have lots of explaining to do.
People's driving also is a major issue in our society. Many tend to drive like they own the road. Changing lanes without checking, and honking the other cars even though they are the one creating the problems. People are not, and don't want to be aware of their surrounding, yet, they want the others to notice them where ever and when ever they are. Why the double standards?! Inconsiderate! Also, why do people tailgate?! Especially at night? How is the person who is practically blinded by your lights supposed to drive faster? If you want to drive 40 mph above the speed limit, then don't expect others to do the same. If you don't treasure your life, please don't take the others' lives with you. Leave us alone!
Why do people expect others to do as little as they do?! For example, in a corporation, people are summoned to a meeting where there are agendas to discuss and resolve. Some will come prepared with researches done themselves without being ask to do so, and some will come totally with no preparation, yet the ones that did not put in any time would accuse the ones that had spend time doing their homework of wanting to take control?! Hello, what do you think the meeting is for? For people to get together and chit chat? Well... If you want to be in charge of anything, you have to know first what you want to be in charge of! If you want to be a mediocrity, then don't expect others to be like you also. At least don't slow down the whole process. You can not get the same treatment or respect if you don't put in the work. You have to earn the respect!
Why are kids so hard to teach? They are manipulative, spoiled, and inconsiderate. Here are some questions asked by a 9 years old kid to his parents and their answers:
Q: Why do I have to do so much homework?
A:Because you do, and the amount of homework you have is not much, it is practically nothing!
Q:Why can't I play the video game?
A:Because you cannot, and I said so.
Q:Why is a passing grade not good enough for you?
A:Because you did not work on it at all, plus a D is "NOT" a good grade!
Q:There are people in my class getting F's, I did better than them, why are you so hard on me?
A:Why are you comparing yourself to people who are doing worse than you only? How about the rest of 99.5% who are getting better grades than you? Why don't you compare yourself to them?
Q:I don't have a brain, why did you keep pushing me to figure this out?
A:You don't have a brain?! Of course you do, you just don't use it. If you want all the answers from others without using your brain, wait until it starts shrinking, then, you really will end up having no brain!
Q:You don't love me, you don't let me do anything I want! Why?
A:If we don't love you, then you would be starving by now with no food and no place to sleep. If we don't love you, you will not be wearing all these new clothes. If we don't love you, we would not be talking right now. If we don't love you, I will be charging you for all the time and emotion we dedicate to raising you. So, anymore questions?!
I am only a kid, don't expect me to do more than a kid can do!
Yes, you are a kid, so act like one, listen to your parents!
People are so used to have everything revolve around them. They assume they can change scheduling without consulting others. For example, some people will forget to show up to an appointment, and if you call to ask what is going on, what you might get is, "oh I am so sorry, I am at a doctor appointment, can we reschedule it to 5 pm instead?" Why?! Are you going to compensate the time I wasted on waiting for you? I could have used the time to do other constructive things. Now you want me to reschedule so you can do the same thing all over to me again? Why?! You are sorry? No, you are not. If you are sorry, then you would not do this. Why in the first place you could schedule 2 things at the same time? If you happened to make a mistake of writing it down at the wrong place in your appointment book, that is one thing, if that is not the case, then you have lots of explaining to do.
People's driving also is a major issue in our society. Many tend to drive like they own the road. Changing lanes without checking, and honking the other cars even though they are the one creating the problems. People are not, and don't want to be aware of their surrounding, yet, they want the others to notice them where ever and when ever they are. Why the double standards?! Inconsiderate! Also, why do people tailgate?! Especially at night? How is the person who is practically blinded by your lights supposed to drive faster? If you want to drive 40 mph above the speed limit, then don't expect others to do the same. If you don't treasure your life, please don't take the others' lives with you. Leave us alone!
Why do people expect others to do as little as they do?! For example, in a corporation, people are summoned to a meeting where there are agendas to discuss and resolve. Some will come prepared with researches done themselves without being ask to do so, and some will come totally with no preparation, yet the ones that did not put in any time would accuse the ones that had spend time doing their homework of wanting to take control?! Hello, what do you think the meeting is for? For people to get together and chit chat? Well... If you want to be in charge of anything, you have to know first what you want to be in charge of! If you want to be a mediocrity, then don't expect others to be like you also. At least don't slow down the whole process. You can not get the same treatment or respect if you don't put in the work. You have to earn the respect!
Why are kids so hard to teach? They are manipulative, spoiled, and inconsiderate. Here are some questions asked by a 9 years old kid to his parents and their answers:
Q: Why do I have to do so much homework?
A:Because you do, and the amount of homework you have is not much, it is practically nothing!
Q:Why can't I play the video game?
A:Because you cannot, and I said so.
Q:Why is a passing grade not good enough for you?
A:Because you did not work on it at all, plus a D is "NOT" a good grade!
Q:There are people in my class getting F's, I did better than them, why are you so hard on me?
A:Why are you comparing yourself to people who are doing worse than you only? How about the rest of 99.5% who are getting better grades than you? Why don't you compare yourself to them?
Q:I don't have a brain, why did you keep pushing me to figure this out?
A:You don't have a brain?! Of course you do, you just don't use it. If you want all the answers from others without using your brain, wait until it starts shrinking, then, you really will end up having no brain!
Q:You don't love me, you don't let me do anything I want! Why?
A:If we don't love you, then you would be starving by now with no food and no place to sleep. If we don't love you, you will not be wearing all these new clothes. If we don't love you, we would not be talking right now. If we don't love you, I will be charging you for all the time and emotion we dedicate to raising you. So, anymore questions?!
I am only a kid, don't expect me to do more than a kid can do!
Yes, you are a kid, so act like one, listen to your parents!
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Totoro
A confused look for luck of getting some food from us!
To see my photo album, go to http://christinaytcphotos.blogspot.com/
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